Of Friends And Family

Friendship bracelets

I still have mine

We made it back in 3rd grade

It’s old and worn

But always warms my heart

Our own secret code

Tougher than the Rivest’s

Hidden gestures 

Covert looks

I still remember them all
Complicated handshakes

Made up games

Uno cards, deck by deck

And Monopoly debts

I think you still owe me a rematch

Guava trees 

Red cherry bombs

Firecrackers and bike rides

Pranks on the next door hostel

And water balloons still hidden
Memories I hold dear

We may be apart today

But we’ll always be in the past together

Playing football while the sun sets

Or manning the wicket, while one swings by.

Tales of Beauty

I awaited you for so long

My own

Custom made beauty

Baked to perfection

I dream of you

Everytime I close my eyes

Beauty, tantalizing beauty

I could feel everything 

Almost taste you in my dreams

All in all

I knew we were meant to be

I heard the bell go

Ding Dong Ding Dong

I saw him bring you in

Holding you delicately

I paid a price for you

And to ravish you I will

Pizza, My beautiful Pizza

I always knew 

We were meant to be. 

Painfully Human Part 2

So someone asked me to clarify on  PAINFULLY HUMAN.

This is my own personal opinion in life, I do believe humans in some kind of twisted way crave pain to make us feel more alive, to let loose from the numbness that plagues us, to feel.

I am entitled to my opinion as you are to yours, I do not wish to impose mine over yours, this is simply my little haven where I speak (or type) what I feel.

So to clarify on this, I think pain, in some way, reminds us we are human, we soar to great heights, sometimes think of ourselves greater than who we are, and only when we experience pain is when we remember we are human, painfully human.

Pain reminds us of our identities as humble beings, reminds us that we are not indestructible we are not infinite, we are flawed in the greatest way possible.

In another way, we crave pain, I said this, it may be a little masochistic of us, we kind of do crave pain. We aren’t damaged or scarred, we simply are humans.

We aren’t damaged or scarred, we simply are humans.

Pain, is a reminder that we feel, it’s a reminder that we are alive, it’s a reminder that we need to be humble.

I don’t necessarily think that anyone or everyone would agree with me, but as I said, this is my opinion.

Pain, comes in so many different forms, we inflict it upon ourselves, it’s inflicted by those close to us, by strangers, emotional, physiological, psychological, it exists everywhere, sometimes we inflict it unknowingly with words or actions that can never be taken back, a reason we should always think before we speak or act.

It’s a shame that with all knowledge we are amassing we still don’t fully recognize mental health, in my opinion, should be among the most important health routines.

Dentists, ENTs, General Doctors, Cardiologists, Gyno/Obstetrician, Ophthalmologists, we dish out hundreds and thousands to go through these check-ups, why not the same for mental health? How is it related to pain? The mind is what perceives pain, in whatever form it is, that’s why I think we should recognize and treat whatever pain we have in our lives, Physiological? Get treated for it. Emotional? Talk to someone. Psychological? See someone qualified.

We suffer through so much alone when we don’t have to. We just have to reach out and trust that somebody will hear the plea of help. We need to trust that when we put our hands across someone will grasp, and hopefully not let go. But first, we need to agree that we are indeed suffering, we need to decide that we will get help, we need to prepare to let someone in, we need to trust to feel. 

I don’t know how much sense I’m making, but without our conscious effort to need to get better, we shall always wonder what if? and wandering in a black wormhole, trapped your own selves.

I know I said it in I Choose Happiness, we are our battles, we are our demons, our worst nightmares and we also are our own selves, but I’ll say it again, we are nobody else’s but ourselves. And when we decide to fight for our own selves for our happiness, we are meeting a formidable foe, for no one knows you better than yourself.

Never inflict pain upon yourself, emotional, physiological or psychological, intentionally because as Winnie The Pooh says, “You’re braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think” and loved more than you know. Winnie is always right, you know? Seriously, you are. If you managed to make it this far, it can be 14 years, 15, 16, 17, 18 19, 20, 40, 45 years, less or more, doesn’t matter you are.

Pain is twisted, but it makes us who we are, makes our story and shapes our future because we are all painfully human.

 

 

 

PAINFULLY HUMAN

Once, I read

“Pain demands to be felt,”

And I thought to myself,

Does pain demand to be felt

Or de we demand ourselves to hurt

Somehow, Some way in our twisted human logic,

We crave pain

We crave pain to make us feel alive

We crave pain to remove the numbness

We fall, and let ourselves bruise

Because somewhere in ourselves,

We need pain to feel human

We need pain to feel anything at all

We search for it, high and low

We dig around for it, everywhere

Even when we know it’ll hurt, somehow we think we deserve

It’s not something about pain that demands to be felt,

It’s something about humans that demands pain.

 

I Choose Happiness

So this is going to be a long rant, bear with me, please.

A lot of things happening around me had me thinking, till when do we need reminders that our happiness is just ours to define?

We let others take control of our lives and our happiness not realising we slowly are losing ourselves, we lock down our happiness and let the key fade away. We let others tear us apart and knock us down till we are too tired to get back up, our hearts are tired and so are our minds.

Life is a funny thing to me, so is happiness, sometimes I do agree with Aristotle that happiness in life is only defined after we have lived it, but sometimes I keep thinking of happiness in those passing fleeting moments, when are we truly happy?

So here I am, at 1.30 a.m. sleepless and thinking, am I happy?

Judging with my day, I have an amazing family, parents whom I love and absolutely adore, siblings who I love too and amazing people surrounding me.

I had given up my phone 3 weeks back, my reason? I was tired of it, completely tired and exhausted by people, living without a phone for 3 weeks, I thought it would have been unbearable, but frankly, I don’t miss it, though I should go back to it, I do need it anyways. I don’t absolutely want it but I do need it.

I wonder what made me come to the decision of keeping it far, I often think it’s because for so long I cared a lot about what others had to say about me, what comments I’d have in my social media accounts, how many new followers and what messages I had gotten, even though I may deny it all I want, I think part of me still does care. I did hand over my happiness to a lot of people, and now I want it all back.

I do feel liberated without it, it’s weird, but a good weird, to me at least.

 So to answer my question, I am happy, I feel happy, I smile and I laugh.

Sometimes it does feel like I’m trapped in my own mind, no matter how hard you try to escape, it’s like drowning, the more you struggle the more you drown deeper, or like a chord round your chest tightening till every last breath deserts you. It’s a feeling of being chased and a fear of the unknown, I may not know of tomorrow but right now I’m happy, as happy as I could be right now.

Sometimes life doesn’t go as planned, and no matter how hard you try to rise up after a fall, you just seem to be falling more, the same feeling of being trapped, crippling anxiety and lost breathes, however, if we never take charge of it, we are going to lose more than just happiness, we lose ourselves, and in that bit we kind of lose some of our humanity too.

We need constant reminders that these are our lives to live, each person is their own, we are our battles, we are our demons, our worst nightmares and we also are our own selves. We belong to nobody but ourselves, and so does our happiness.

I’m probably sleep deprived and this all sounds like a cheesy truck of words, but right now I feel kind of relieved putting it down, because, in the end, so many unspoken words just needed an audience.

Break free from yourself and be happy.

Because I choose to be happy.

So yes, happiness in all definitions, whether it was a happy life or a happy moment, belongs to nobody but yourself, so take charge of it, search for it, seek it in your everyday life, find it in all moments and once you do, never let it go.

 

 

DEAR ME

Dear Me,

Hello, it’s me

I come bearing a message,

From past me, and present me,

So future me, when you read this

Know it’s from me, who loves you more than I

Be patient

Be bold

Be brave

Be firm

Whenever you fall,

Stand up tall

Bear with me

Laugh and cry

Smile and mourn

Climb trees

Trek mountains

Swing and swim

Live life

Don’t just exist

Never lose hope

Never lose belief

Don’t ever let go of your faith

Never let go of your morals

Safeguard your trust

Uphold your dignity

Live with honour and pride

You are beautiful and smart

Live with humility

Live with love

In the end

You’ll be left with just me

So Dear me,

Live. Laugh. Love

Hope. Pray. Wish

Believe.

I Wonder

I wonder how it’ll feel

When I let go 

How many will hurt?

How many will cry?

I wonder of those I’d have left behind

Those I left and those that got away

I wonder how it’ll feel to cut loose

Would it be like falling through never ending skies

Or would it be like diving into dark deep waters

Would it hurt when I crash and burn

I wonder of those I’d have left behind

Those I left and those that got away

I wonder how it’d all be when I leave

Would I bid adieu

Would I go too soon

Would anyone miss me

I wonder of those I’d have left behind

Those I left and those that got away

Would you miss me when I’m gone 

Would you love me still

Would you pray for me till the day we meet again

To all those I’d leave and those that will get away 

Tell me now, is it worth holding on?

I AM WHO I AM

With klutzy grace

And a toothy smile

A swag in my walk

I am who I am.

 

Full of dreams

Making wishes as I go

Painting the sky as I move

I am who I am.

 

Above my throne I sit

Raised high by none other than me

I sing praises and compliment me

For I am who I am.

 

I raise my head high

Glorified and blessed I am

Honored and graced by Him

I am who I am

 

With a curl of my lips

A sway in my hips

I dance and celebrate

The woman in me

For I am who I am.

 

 

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