Broken and Beautiful

You are a wonder

An amazing being

Even beautiful

Doesn’t cover what I see in you

You are strong

You are brave

And may the fire in you

Blaze for eternity

When you were seven

You dealt with so much more

Than many have ever seen

Sexually abused

In the place you felt safest

When you were ten

You wanted to run away from it all

For home was just hell to you

Nobody understood

The fear you held

You couldn’t even meet

Your father’s eyes

Your mother never understood

At thirteen

You wanted to end it all

You couldn’t hold it in anymore

The fear you feel

The nightmares that never end

You started then

Harming your beautiful self

You got broken

Once too many times

The voices in your head

Only got louder with time

Words hurt deeper than wounds

Beautiful Being, you are not alone

You are beautiful, for each crack in your soul

You are beautiful, for each mark on your body

You are beautiful, for all your flaws and more

Beautiful Being,

I am in awe of you.

At twenty

Here you are

Spreading your wings

Attempting to fly

Still in pain, but healing inside

For every single day, I thank God you are alive

I see you chasing your dreams

And I know you’ll be fine

You light up a candle

So bright in my heart

For every trial you’ve been through

I am in awe of that smile

Beautiful being

Your story has just began

Let yourself live

To see better things

Let yourself enjoy

Every morning’s sunrise

Enjoy

The smell of rain

The scent of fresh coffee

The fragrance of a blooming flower

You are yet to travel each country

You are yet to meet your perfect match

You are yet to love once more

With every day comes a new beginning

And I’ll be here

All through the way

Beautiful being

You inspire me every day.

May your story be a legacy

So that they may know

Of this Beautiful being

That was broken down

But rose up again

That was teared down

And stitched her self up

Who was pushed down

And picked herself up

Who thought of ending her life

But lives to see each sunset through

Because of her, I have hope I’ll make it too

Who says proudly

I’M STILL ALIVE

BROKEN AND TORN APART

BUT STILL BREATHING AND ALIVE

Each sunset shows the end of one day

But I promise the sun shall rise again.

Till the end arrives.

Beautiful being.

I love you.

To My Mother

To the one who conceived me

Carried me

Then had me

The one I troubled the most

Nurtured me and held me

Loved me and nourished me

In whose arms lies my comfort

To the one I love unconditionally

Who taught me right from wrong

Showed me the way

Held my hand as I walked

Encouraged me as I talked

Believed in me

When I lost that in myself

Supported me

Helped me up as I fell

To the one I’ll always go back to

This is my prayer for you

May Allah bless you

For each time you hold me

May Allah forgive you

For every tear you shed for me

May Allah keep you safe

For all the times you worry about me

May Allah make you among the women of paradise

May Allah raise your status in this life and the hereafter

Ya Rabb.

This woman I love

Protect her

Love her

Bless her

Look after her.

The one I call Mama

Ya Rabb

Give me the ability

To make her smile when she’s sad

To make her proud, here and forever

To make her happy, wherever she is.

Ya Rabb,

For the one I call mother

Is the one in my heart.

FOR MY PEOPLE

I wish I could do more.

I sit and cry out my heart

I’ll bow down and pray with all I have

I shall stand and make my voice heard.

But still I wish I could do more.

I will help out where I can.

Yet my heart bleeds for I cannot do more.

I cannot bear to watch the violence

I cannot stand the blood.

I do not want any more numbers going up the death toll.

500+ and the number keeps rising

To many, they are just body counts

To the rest they are family

They are friends

They are students

They are children

They are human.

And in the streets flow blood

And in the rubble lay my people.

And as much as the world is silent.

I want to speak out as loud as I can.

I want to do more.

Until I am able to do that.

I write here

In appeal to your hearts

Raise your voices

But also

Raise your hands in prayers.

For my people of Ghouta

For my family in Palestine

For my friends in Yemen

For my loved ones in Somalia

For everyone in pain and suffering

Raise them so that they can be heard.

I’M ALWAYS INDEBTED TO YOU..

From the moment I was conceived

Till I started to breathe

I still weigh on your shoulders

Still trouble and call you

After the Almighty Lord,

Mama and Baba, I thank you.

 

Mama, My Queen

Number 1 inspiration

My forever consolation

My everlasting beam

I thank Allah for you

I am forever indebted to you

 

Baba, my heart’s beloved

My number 1 King

My comfort

My support

I will always pray for you

For I am forever indebted to you.

 

I shall pray for you,

Every day as I rise

I thank Allah for you,

Every time I open my eyes

I love you,

With everything I have in me.

For Mama and Baba,

I am forever indebted to you.

 

For every year you age,

I pray for your long-lasting health,

May He increase in your wealth,

My Heroes, I pray for us to always be together,

Till in Jannah, With Raasul,

For Mama and Baba,

I am forever indebted to you.

 

KINTSUGI

I turned my tears into words

And my bleeding heart to an aching hand

I let my cries turn into prayers

And I prayed to My Lord

Take this aching heart and let it be free

Let it love you as You love me, My Lord

I write with my heart

I write with my soul

I let My Lord’s words fill me

Fill my broken heart

My shattered soul

Like Kintsugi, it was Words of Gold that filled me

I’m stronger than before

See You In Court

I’m suing you today

So see you in Court

I’m suing the offenders

Who think harassment is fine

I’m suing the perpetrators

Of this horrendous crime
I’m suing you for the nightmares

I’m suing you for the fear

I’m suing you for never looking at humanity the same

See you in court.

I’m suing the parents

Who never let their children know

“No means No”

Don’t let anyone touch you if you don’t want

Speak up when in fear

Speak , I promise you I’ll hear

Tell me dear, I promise I’ll listen

For this, I’m suing you

See you in court

I’m suing Society

For stigmatizing victims

For not being supportive

For letting these offenders loose

For failing your people

For making it hard for me to speak up

For this, and many more

See you in Court

I’m suing the Education system

You taught 1+1, ABC, 123

But never thought of teaching Humanity

Kindness, Compassion, Morals and again, Humanity

I’ll see you in Court

I’m suing you too

You who knew what was going on

And ignored the cries

Ignored the tears

You hiding behind that cloak

I saw you, I’m suing you now

See you in Court.

I’m suing you too Dear Law

If murder’s law never expires

Why should Sexual Harassment Laws Expire?

I’m suing you for letting them scot free

I’m suing you for letting me live in fear

I’m suing you for it all

After suing them all,

Dear Courts, See you there.

“It’s too late”

“You should have spoken earlier”

“Why did you stay silent”

“We can’t do anything”

Sorry, I was scared for my life

I’m sorry I lived in fear

The statute’s expired while I drowned in nightmares

Since I can’t sue you here

I leave with my scars and cries

See you in the Court Above.

LOVING MYSELF

Instead of a poem today, I want to share my story, my journey to self-love, I love myself now and that’s not a secret.

LIGHT IN MY HEART

I never used to think about how I looked, I was okay as best as I could be, till four years ago.

I developed a tiny boil kind of mark on my face, being the clumsy person I am, I thought it must have been from my Kitchen accidents, I have quite a record in little accidents here and there, so I never gave it much thought. A week later, I had more than 25 boil-like things on my face, neck and back.

They hurt like burns and sure looked like burns too, I didn’t think much on the scars because one, I panicked and a couple of Google Searches later I was sure I had skin cancer,(Never again playing Doctor on Google).

A Doctor’s trip later, I was diagnosed with an allergic reaction to a Cold Medicine I was using.

It was only after leaving the Doctor’s that I realised the depth of the reaction, I had boil like burns all over my face and arms, How was I gonna go out?

My Mama let me rest for 2 days as I prepped myself into leaving the safety of my home, my own siblings were disgusted by the marks, my little brother afraid of me and moreover, I hated how I looked.

With the little Courage I had, I put on a face veil (Niqaab), and boarded the bus to school. Prepping myself I removed it upon reaching School Grounds.

Many friends failed me that time, I felt the stares, saw the pointing fingers and heard the rumours.

Apparently, I was in a gang fight and got acid thrown on me (Cases had been heard of this occurring), I was cooking and spilt oil on myself, (My clumsiness was popular), I had bleached myself and possibly earned a spot on Blotched! (Face bleaching and backfires are popular everywhere).

Most thought it best to come up with their own theories. A close friend, was the first to approach me and ask me what had happened, after the rumours spinning everywhere, I was happy to tell her.

I lost many friends and got stares as I passed by, It was weirdly fascinating for people as much as it was painful for me. I got a teacher who “felt pitiful to everybody who saw me” I was a scene from a horror movie to her, and one who “hoped I did not come out home looking like that,”. To say I was feeling down is an understatement.

I struggled with pretending those words didn’t hurt, I got many more, but from those I least expected.

Two weeks later, with the burns still up and raging, a trip to another Derma proved that I had a skin condition called Bullous Pemphigoid or a relative of it.

Due to the heavy dosages of steroids, I gained weight hard and fast, pairing the scars with extra weight.

Then crushing me were the fat comments, I couldn’t fit into my jeans, nor my dresses. I had chipmunk cheeks and gained more in a month than people gain in a year.

A ‘Counsellor’ called me out in class telling me “to go easy on the food, I was fat”

Reclusive and quiet I became from the Bubbly Cheery me that I once was.

Family picked on my weight, Aunties gave me tips on how to lose fat fast, everyone compared me to my sister, and to my previous self.

I started starving myself, I stopped eating at home and skipped meals in school. I continued having meds on an empty tummy, just making sure I had enough not to feel faint. When forced to it I would chuck it down the first washroom I came across.

Instead of losing weight, I gained more and more.

I realised one day, that words will never affect me so long as I do not let them.

Slowly by slowly, I accepted myself, and my scars and my body.

I was scarred and broken, but I was also me.

610413370-scars-are-tattoos-with-better-stories-quote-1

I fell in love with myself as long as I knew, I would never let words hurt me and define me.

I let out most negativity in my life, stopped responding to fat jokes and cut out those dragging me down.

With the help of My Lord, I learned to love me, myself and I.

Dhubba (Large Beast) became a nick name and less of an insult.

I grew the courage to stop wearing heavy make up as a cover up when I left home.

Don’t just love my smile, love me, my scars, my flaws.

Contrary to what people say, I believe my scars and my past define me, without them I don’t have a story to tell, I lose myself and who I am.

They remind me of what I have passed through and what I have gone through, I am stronger than what I struggled with, I fought and I won, scarred but I won.

They shaped me to who I am today, all the little imperfections that make me imperfectly perfect.

To all those quick to judge someone on their appearances, Bless your little hearts if you think your judgements reflect another’s story, your thinking defines you, you as a person and as a human, next time don’t voice your opinions when they are totally unasked for, Kindly do keep the negativity to yourself, you do not know me, nor do you know my story.

Yes, I currently am a fat happy person, with scars on me, but I am who I am and I love me.

Next time I want extra potatoes, I will have extra potatoes with extra cheese.

I myself define me.

I choose to either live in negativity or positive vibes.

I choose my own path

I alone am responsible for my happiness.

I will not, never again, give somebody the power to bring me down.

For I love myself and I took a pledge.

I TAKE MY PLEDGE

03b81b18f2f4c2b22c88ea79e3e096be

A Letter To My Beloved

This is to you my beloved

Mama and Baba

In whose arms there is nothing but solace

A comforting embrace

A love coccoon.
To Mama,

You bore me through hardships

Raised me with love

Hugged me with care

Loved me without despair.

I remember hiding behind you,

Or crying out Mama when I ran

When I was at fault.

Climbing up beds

Only to jump in your arms.

Waiting eargely by the door

Every single day till you came back.
To Baba,

You played with me

Taught me how to walk

How to run and talk

I still remember you entering from work

Sitting in a stool with a Barbie Kitchen Set

Sipping imaginary tea with a cookie.

Or pretending to cough

So, I your Daughter, I meant Doctor

Would check you up and inject you, even if it was just once.
These memories and much more,

Speedboats to Lamu

Picnics in a Lost Paradise

Swimming in Islands

Hiking in forests

Shopping in malls

Tours in Animal parks

Late night movies

Early morning cartoons

Rides in an amusement park

And the best of them all

Praying side by side

Holding your hands doing Tawwaff

Seeing the Holy House with you

And waking up everyday and seeing you.
To Yumma and AbyAby

It is said Children are the crowns of their parents,

Let us be the crowns on your head,

Adorned with pearls of laughter

Emeralds of blessings

Rubies of love

Diamonds of health

Secured with golden care.

To those who love unconditionally,

Mama and Baba,

We love you too.

May Allah incrase in your age and health and wealth,

May He open all doors of happiness and blessings 

✌&❤

Habeebaty.

STEP BY STEP

I stayed close

To keep you warm

Stayed beside you

To let you know I care

Just right next to you

To show you support

Beside you

To let you know I love you

I let go

So that we meet again

In front of My Lord

With His will

We shall meet again.

Slowly

Step by step

Throughout the way

You stayed close

Steadily

Warm and sweet

Right beside me

You stayed close

 

Smiling

Bright and broad

Just next to me

You stayed close

 

Sadly

You let go

With hope of meeting again,

In a happier place.

 

I may have lost you know

Physically, that is.

But in our hearts

You forever shall live

 

I may not see you again

But your face is as fresh

As I saw you yesterday

And again and again.

 

In my prayers,

I shall remember you

Today and Tomorrow

And again and again.

 

To Allah We Belong

And To Him We Return

Till Paradise

Dearest One.

 

 

 

 

A WordPress.com Website.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: