πŸ’”

Drifting away into numbness

Hear my cry

Heed my plea

Save me

Before it’s too late

I weep for the girl that was

Smiling and ever happy

I wish not to be stuck

Smiling in pain

Let my tears flow

Before they turn red

Hear my cry

Heed my plea

Drowning

Clutching to all straws

Fading away

Into an emotionless pit

Listen to my heart

Forget my words

I’ll say I’m fine

When I’m anything but

Hold me tight

Help me fight

My demons taking the best of me

Hear my cry

Heed my plea

I’m lost

I’m wandering

Like a ghost

Haunting nothing but myself

Nightmares merging in to my reality

Hear my cry

Heed my plea

Aid me before it’s too late

πŸ’”

Drifting away into numbness

Hear my cry

Heed my plea

Save me

Before it’s too late

I weep for the girl that was

Smiling and ever happy

I wish not to be stuck

Smiling in pain

Let my tears flow

Before they turn red

Hear my cry

Heed my plea

Drowning

Clutching to all straws

Fading away

Into an emotionless pit

Listen to my heart

Forget my words

I’ll say I’m fine

When I’m anything but

Hold me tight

Help me fight

My demons taking the best of me

Hear my cry

Heed my plea

I’m lost

I’m wandering

Like a ghost

Haunting nothing but myself

Nightmares merging in to my reality

Hear my cry

Heed my plea

Aid me before it’s too late

I FEEL

I did a survey, one day ago. A post I saw on Twitter.

‘I need help’ and ‘I love you’ were the most replies. ‘I’m hurting’ came really close too and ‘I apologize’ had the least.

But it all comes down to our feelings I guess.

We hide our true feelings behind masks and now behind the screens of our devices.

I guess what we fear the most is the reply to whatever we say.

We fear the scrutiny that society and now social media that comes with admitting what we feel.

I feel.

I am human so I feel.

I personally, might be among the people who hardly admit when they need help.

I’d rather get lost and wander in a new town for hours for what was meant to be a 10 minute errand. (Trust me it happened)

I’d rather retreat in my shell and put a cap on anything negative that I feel than talking about it.

I’d rather drag myself to the hospital alone than worry anybody when I’m sick.

I realize it’s wrong.

We have friends and family for this reason and many more.

When we’re down, talk to somebody.

When you love, admit it

When you hurt, seek help

When we wrong, ask for forgiveness.

When we’re lost, ask for directions

We are not lonely islands drifting in the sea

Nor are we lone cacti in the desert

We are humans and so we feel

And others have felt what we feel

They can help

I realize admitting one’s feelings on something may go wrong

But what if goes right?

What if it does work out?

What if it all falls into place?

From today onwards, I look forward to saying what I feel in hopes it helps one admit theirs.

Love, care and kindness are too precious for one to just hold on to alone. Spread the feelings.

You are not a pre-programmed robot trained to eat, work, sleep and wake.

Love in the moment with joy and happiness.

Trust in a Higher Power looking after you and paving the way for you.

I feel relieved as I type this out.

I love you. ❀

HELPLESS

The worst feeling ever

One I never felt so deeply

Wishing I could do everything

Unable to do anything at all

Helpless.

Utterly and totally helpless.

Rationally, I know

There is no thing I could do

To change what happened

Yet here I am

Helpless

I wonder if this comes with the job

Having to remain closed off

Having to not feel

Knowing that others I’ll be able to help

While others I just have to watch them slip away

Knowing it was above me

And I know that what’s written will always happen

The course had been set

The timing was up

Yet I still feel

So helpless

I pray to Allah to ease this feeling

I know it was His will

And I know it was meant to happen

And slowly I’ll come to accept it

But this feeling I wish to never feel

So utterly helplessly helpless

DARK SKIES

Dark skies

Proof of storms

In a bright time

Even storms are beautiful

In its destruction, we romanticize

We live in illusions

Of never-ending storms

We enjoy rainbows

A bright thought

After heavy showers

We look at dark skies

Wondering when the sun shall shine again

We know for sure, storms don’t last forever

Or do they?

Till now,

They’ve always been temporary

The winds come and blow

Thunder booms and cracks

Lightning flashes and blinds

We still believe,

The sun shall shine on us once again

It is said, (Vivian Greene, 2006)

LifeΒ isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass,

it’s aboutΒ learning to dance in the rain.

So why lose hope,

Dance in the rain,

Learn to live, even when in pain

Whatever has come, shall pass

So have hope and believe

Even this,

Shall come to an end.

What Love Is NOT

Love is NOT to me

Two souls becoming one

Two strangers walking on the same path

Or two people sharing one last name

Love is NOT, to me

All consuming

All overwhelming

Like a forest fire

Leaving ashes and destruction behind

Love to me, is NOT

A storm that lights up the skies

Creating beautiful distractions

Leaving rubble in its wake

Love to me is NOT,

Centering life around his core

Existing because he is

Breathing because she is

Living, because we are in love

Love to me is NOT,

Empty words

Broken promises

Drowning in tears

Left alone in shatters

Love to me is NOT,

Seeing perfection in your being

Seeing dreams in my dreams

Living recklessly while beaming

Love to me is NOT,

Chasing away my demons,

Forgetting my problems when I’m with you

Or getting addicted to your presence.

Love to me, is NOT

Using words

It’s not in a thousand poems

Or a thousand songs

Love to me, is NOT

this and more.

So ask me what Love means to me?

It’s two friends

Accepting

That they are two individuals

Living and loving each other

As they move separately in their own paths

Love to me,

Is loving one’s self first

Before learning to love another

For no one is more important,

Than one’s self first

Love to me,

Is loving the twinkle in her eyes

The mischievousness behind his smile

The 3 am senseless conversation

The simple act,

Of him showing his love

Don’t just tell him, you love him

Let him see it

Love to me is,

Accepting

Loving entirely

Flaws and all

It’s seeing them at their worst

And staying, and accepting

It’s the imperfections

The shortcomings

Love to me is staying

In the arguments

In the struggles

In the high of the swing

And the low of the trip

It’s being there

Warm hands and all

With a place in the heart

Love to me,

Is never-ending support

Is correcting me when I’m wrong

Is leading me home, when I go astray

Is lighting up the path, when darkness is all around.

Love to me,

Is helping me face my nightmares

Is being supportive, as I tackle my problems

Is believing I can do it on my own,

I’ll just need you there, to cheer me on.

Love to me is,

Not needing words

For you can feel it in your bones

From deep in your heart, to the edge of your soul.

I love with a passion

Never shall I let it consume me whole

I love with conviction,

Never once shall I doubt you

I love healthily

My happiness belongs to me

I love with trust

That forever will we last

I love with sincerity

In me is my loyalty

I will love you separately

For once, I will love me firstly.

Trust me when I say,

Love to me is everything and more.

Be my beacon in darkness

I’ll be the light of your eyes

Be my support when I’m tired

I’ll be your shoulder to lean on

Be my warmth when it’s cold

I’ll be the coolness when it’s hot

Look for me in the night sky

For during the day, You are the sun of my eye.

 

 

 

In this society, we all have our versions of what love is. To me, it’s sweet and beautiful, sometimes hard, but it’s about compromise, not full sacrifices. We don’t need to lose ourselves in ‘goals’ and those we love to be in love. Love builds, it doesn’t destroy, it heals, not harms. Love is finding yourself and loving yourself first, then loving another.

I pray you all find the purest love there ever is.

 

 

 

 

Monsters and Nightmares

I’ve lived through nights I wish I hadn’t

I’ve wished for death even by my hand

I’ve carved my skin, deep enough to feel pain, deep enough to let go

I’ve witnessed nightmares even while awake

I wished for the ground to swallow me up

I’ve wished for the room to close me in

For the last breathe to leave my body

Just so I could escape this world

I can still feel

The hands on my neck

Squeezing, with no aim to let go.

I can still feel

The wandering hands on my body

Leaving a slimy feel

Painful, aimed to hurt

I can still see

The darkness of the corner

One that was safe

Only it wasn’t hard to be found

I can still smell

The dust underneath the bed

My refuge

Before I got dragged out

The nightmares that I live with

All remind me

Of a beast I’d wish to forget

Only he never left.

These are tears of a rose.

From nightmares and monsters.

It starts slowly,

Like a horror film,

Then comes the screams of a little girl,

Held down, head on the cold floor

Tears streaming down her face

She refuses to look at him

Her gaze falls on her little Barbie doll

She barely is 6 years old.

She can feel the pain

Feel the anger

And my screams merge with hers

Only, they were mine all along.

Silent cries for help.

Nobody comes to help.

The absolute terror,

When anyone grabs her suddenly

She hates the feeling of contact

For all she knows

Is to never trust anybody

Men and women alike

She is safe from nobody.

The anxiety

Like dipping in cold water on a freezing night

Like drowning in sea water. eyes wide open

Like suffocating, just like his hands on her neck

She sees her nightmares every time she closes her eyes

Sees her monsters every time she opens them up.

She wants not to be touched,

Believes not in love

Never had faith in trust

Never hoped for a better life

How do I let her know

Not all beings are monsters?

How do I stop myself,

From whisking her away in my arms

To hold her tight in my arms so she could cry

To have her in my embrace till she stopped sobbing

To hide her in my heart

So she can know of the love I have for her

How do I tell her?

That she’s beautiful

Absolutely amazing

How do I give her hope?

For a better tomorrow.

How do I tell her?

That tomorrow, The sun will rise again

It’ll be better

So let the rain wash away

The tears in your heart

Let His Light, heal your wounds

Believe, and let Him fade your scars.

Have hope in your Lord.

My Wonder Lady

As a mother, she has paradise underneath her feet

As a daughter, she gives honour and paradise to her parents

As a woman, her stature has been raised by the One above

She’s a wonder lady

Like an octopus, she balances eight things at a time

She’s courageous, taking on the world

Her armour is her modesty

Her weapon is her honour

She faces every day with bravery

Her heart is pure

Her soul is gold

Take her through fire

I’ll promise you, she comes out a diamond

She’s my inspiration

She’s my beautiful being.

Muslimah, raise your head

You need no validation from any being

For your status has always been high.

Her rights, have always been clear

Respect her

Educate her

Honour her

Cherish her

Love her

Then watch her flourish.

Broken and Beautiful

You are a wonder

An amazing being

Even beautiful

Doesn’t cover what I see in you

You are strong

You are brave

And may the fire in you

Blaze for eternity

When you were seven

You dealt with so much more

Than many have ever seen

Sexually abused

In the place you felt safest

When you were ten

You wanted to run away from it all

For home was just hell to you

Nobody understood

The fear you held

You couldn’t even meet

Your father’s eyes

Your mother never understood

At thirteen

You wanted to end it all

You couldn’t hold it in anymore

The fear you feel

The nightmares that never end

You started then

Harming your beautiful self

You got broken

Once too many times

The voices in your head

Only got louder with time

Words hurt deeper than wounds

Beautiful Being, you are not alone

You are beautiful, for each crack in your soul

You are beautiful, for each mark on your body

You are beautiful, for all your flaws and more

Beautiful Being,

I am in awe of you.

At twenty

Here you are

Spreading your wings

Attempting to fly

Still in pain, but healing inside

For every single day, I thank God you are alive

I see you chasing your dreams

And I know you’ll be fine

You light up a candle

So bright in my heart

For every trial you’ve been through

I am in awe of that smile

Beautiful being

Your story has just began

Let yourself live

To see better things

Let yourself enjoy

Every morning’s sunrise

Enjoy

The smell of rain

The scent of fresh coffee

The fragrance of a blooming flower

You are yet to travel each country

You are yet to meet your perfect match

You are yet to love once more

With every day comes a new beginning

And I’ll be here

All through the way

Beautiful being

You inspire me every day.

May your story be a legacy

So that they may know

Of this Beautiful being

That was broken down

But rose up again

That was teared down

And stitched her self up

Who was pushed down

And picked herself up

Who thought of ending her life

But lives to see each sunset through

Because of her, I have hope I’ll make it too

Who says proudly

I’M STILL ALIVE

BROKEN AND TORN APART

BUT STILL BREATHING AND ALIVE

Each sunset shows the end of one day

But I promise the sun shall rise again.

Till the end arrives.

Beautiful being.

I love you.

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