Weeping Heart

I feel my chest heavy

My eyes watery

I know you

Sadly, I knew you

A kind smile

Joyful eyes

A kind heart

A beautiful soul

Yet, I still can’t see you

I tried picturing your face

Yet it still evades me

Maybe this is my punishment

For forgetting you

I never should have stopped

Looking for you

I should have called

I should have texted more

My weeping heart bleeds

I wish I did more

Now you’ve left us

With your beautiful soul

I pray that you’re in the highest Jannah

I still will look for you

And I’ll remember you

When I open my Holy Qur’aan

When I hear a new hadeeth

When I try reading Tafseer

When I bow my head in prayer

I may not remember your face

But your memories are in my heart

I pray that your soul finds peace

I pray for patience for your family

I pray for strength

And I pray I see your face again

Maybe my weeping heart will not hurt as much

Dear Sister, I love you.

اللهم اغفر لها وارحمها واسكنها فسيح جناته

اللهم اغفر لها وارحمها وعافها واعف عنها ووسع مدخلها واكرم نزلها ووسع مدخلها

(O Allah, forgive her, and have mercy on her

O Allah, forgive her, and have mercy on her, and heal her, and heal her, and widen her entrance, and honor her inn, and widen her entrance)

May Allah bring peace and strength to all those who’ve lost loved ones in their lives. 💚

See, I’m Still Alive

See growing up was hard, especially if you felt what I went through, seen what I’d been through. I ask for no pity no worry and please, don’t question me.

It’s happened, over and done with. See, let me break it down for you. I’ve dealt with depression by myself, how did you know? Well, I’ve felt the sick pleasure of hurting myself, see, I’m stupidly smart, learned how to feel pain leaving no scars.

I’ve spent sleepless nights, insomniac and living. I’ve starved myself, living on nothing but water and air. I’ve contemplated running away from home, school and life. I’ve been stuck in nightmares, lived through hell and see, I’ve made it so far, scarred, scared, broken but very much alive. I need not your pity, sympathy nor tears, and please, keep your questions to your self. I’ve lived through insults, let me tell you, those that hurt most are those from those you love the most. I’ve lived through them all, see, yet I’m still alive.

I’ve laid in bed wondering why me? Why shouldn’t I just relieve them all, it’ll be as they said, as if I never existed. They wish I never did most of the times anyway, I’m a shame, a disgrace, a scar they should hide. I never fit in among them anyways. See, let my tears flow, I don’t understand why you are crying, its my life, not yours, please keep your tears, hands and words to your self. I’m still alive you know.

You never cared, when you leave you’ll forget about me, forget about my story, forget I ever existed. Don’t deny it, I know you will. I’m not extraordinary nor am I special. Just a stupid lazy person with no interest, no focus, no life. Why should it matter if I lived or left? Be on your merry way and let me be, let me on my own, leave me to my devices. It shouldn’t matter to you. What am I to you anyways?

Broken, mentally and physically, tired and exhausted. Screwed up in my head, I know I am. My attempt to state facts may seem like a plea of help. My numbness mistaken for desperation, my fight mistaken for being obstinate. I’m neither this nor that. Just a wandering soul, not lost neither looking for solace. I’m totally fine living between life and death, existing, I think is a better term. See, all this is my own doing, no one to blame but me, so save your caring nature someone worthy of the nurture. I’m still alive you see.

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