I’M ALWAYS INDEBTED TO YOU..

From the moment I was conceived

Till I started to breathe

I still weigh on your shoulders

Still trouble and call you

After the Almighty Lord,

Mama and Baba, I thank you.

 

Mama, My Queen

Number 1 inspiration

My forever consolation

My everlasting beam

I thank Allah for you

I am forever indebted to you

 

Baba, my heart’s beloved

My number 1 King

My comfort

My support

I will always pray for you

For I am forever indebted to you.

 

I shall pray for you,

Every day as I rise

I thank Allah for you,

Every time I open my eyes

I love you,

With everything I have in me.

For Mama and Baba,

I am forever indebted to you.

 

For every year you age,

I pray for your long-lasting health,

May He increase in your wealth,

My Heroes, I pray for us to always be together,

Till in Jannah, With Raasul,

For Mama and Baba,

I am forever indebted to you.

 

8436 Miles Away

I miss you, with every breathe I take

Every step I make,

I miss you, for every mile away.

 

My safe haven, My warm cocoon.

My home, my comfy blanket.

I miss you, for every mile away.

 

My heart’s beloved, My soul’s comfort

My listening ear, my crying shoulder

I miss you, for every mile away.

 

Mama and Baba, My Brothers, My sisters,

My heart calls out to you.

I miss you, so very much, for every mile away.

 

 

 

 

 

Of Friends And Family

Friendship bracelets

I still have mine

We made it back in 3rd grade

It’s old and worn

But always warms my heart

Our own secret code

Tougher than the Rivest’s

Hidden gestures 

Covert looks

I still remember them all
Complicated handshakes

Made up games

Uno cards, deck by deck

And Monopoly debts

I think you still owe me a rematch

Guava trees 

Red cherry bombs

Firecrackers and bike rides

Pranks on the next door hostel

And water balloons still hidden
Memories I hold dear

We may be apart today

But we’ll always be in the past together

Playing football while the sun sets

Or manning the wicket, while one swings by.

I Wonder

I wonder how it’ll feel

When I let go

How many will hurt?

How many will cry?

I wonder of those I’d have left behind

Those I left and those that got away

I wonder how it’ll feel to cut loose

Would it be like falling through never ending skies

Or would it be like diving into dark deep waters

Would it hurt when I crash and burn

I wonder of those I’d have left behind

Those I left and those that got away

I wonder how it’d all be when I leave

Would I bid adieu

Would I go too soon

Would anyone miss me

I wonder of those I’d have left behind

Those I left and those that got away

Would you miss me when I’m gone

Would you love me still

Would you pray for me till the day we meet again

To all those I’d leave and those that will get away

Tell me now, is it worth holding on?

LOVING MYSELF

Instead of a poem today, I want to share my story, my journey to self-love, I love myself now and that’s not a secret.

LIGHT IN MY HEART

I never used to think about how I looked, I was okay as best as I could be, till four years ago.

I developed a tiny boil kind of mark on my face, being the clumsy person I am, I thought it must have been from my Kitchen accidents, I have quite a record in little accidents here and there, so I never gave it much thought. A week later, I had more than 25 boil-like things on my face, neck and back.

They hurt like burns and sure looked like burns too, I didn’t think much on the scars because one, I panicked and a couple of Google Searches later I was sure I had skin cancer,(Never again playing Doctor on Google).

A Doctor’s trip later, I was diagnosed with an allergic reaction to a Cold Medicine I was using.

It was only after leaving the Doctor’s that I realised the depth of the reaction, I had boil like burns all over my face and arms, How was I gonna go out?

My Mama let me rest for 2 days as I prepped myself into leaving the safety of my home, my own siblings were disgusted by the marks, my little brother afraid of me and moreover, I hated how I looked.

With the little Courage I had, I put on a face veil (Niqaab), and boarded the bus to school. Prepping myself I removed it upon reaching School Grounds.

Many friends failed me that time, I felt the stares, saw the pointing fingers and heard the rumours.

Apparently, I was in a gang fight and got acid thrown on me (Cases had been heard of this occurring), I was cooking and spilt oil on myself, (My clumsiness was popular), I had bleached myself and possibly earned a spot on Blotched! (Face bleaching and backfires are popular everywhere).

Most thought it best to come up with their own theories. A close friend, was the first to approach me and ask me what had happened, after the rumours spinning everywhere, I was happy to tell her.

I lost many friends and got stares as I passed by, It was weirdly fascinating for people as much as it was painful for me. I got a teacher who “felt pitiful to everybody who saw me” I was a scene from a horror movie to her, and one who “hoped I did not come out home looking like that,”. To say I was feeling down is an understatement.

I struggled with pretending those words didn’t hurt, I got many more, but from those I least expected.

Two weeks later, with the burns still up and raging, a trip to another Derma proved that I had a skin condition called Bullous Pemphigoid or a relative of it.

Due to the heavy dosages of steroids, I gained weight hard and fast, pairing the scars with extra weight.

Then crushing me were the fat comments, I couldn’t fit into my jeans, nor my dresses. I had chipmunk cheeks and gained more in a month than people gain in a year.

A ‘Counsellor’ called me out in class telling me “to go easy on the food, I was fat”

Reclusive and quiet I became from the Bubbly Cheery me that I once was.

Family picked on my weight, Aunties gave me tips on how to lose fat fast, everyone compared me to my sister, and to my previous self.

I started starving myself, I stopped eating at home and skipped meals in school. I continued having meds on an empty tummy, just making sure I had enough not to feel faint. When forced to it I would chuck it down the first washroom I came across.

Instead of losing weight, I gained more and more.

I realised one day, that words will never affect me so long as I do not let them.

Slowly by slowly, I accepted myself, and my scars and my body.

I was scarred and broken, but I was also me.

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I fell in love with myself as long as I knew, I would never let words hurt me and define me.

I let out most negativity in my life, stopped responding to fat jokes and cut out those dragging me down.

With the help of My Lord, I learned to love me, myself and I.

Dhubba (Large Beast) became a nick name and less of an insult.

I grew the courage to stop wearing heavy make up as a cover up when I left home.

Don’t just love my smile, love me, my scars, my flaws.

Contrary to what people say, I believe my scars and my past define me, without them I don’t have a story to tell, I lose myself and who I am.

They remind me of what I have passed through and what I have gone through, I am stronger than what I struggled with, I fought and I won, scarred but I won.

They shaped me to who I am today, all the little imperfections that make me imperfectly perfect.

To all those quick to judge someone on their appearances, Bless your little hearts if you think your judgements reflect another’s story, your thinking defines you, you as a person and as a human, next time don’t voice your opinions when they are totally unasked for, Kindly do keep the negativity to yourself, you do not know me, nor do you know my story.

Yes, I currently am a fat happy person, with scars on me, but I am who I am and I love me.

Next time I want extra potatoes, I will have extra potatoes with extra cheese.

I myself define me.

I choose to either live in negativity or positive vibes.

I choose my own path

I alone am responsible for my happiness.

I will not, never again, give somebody the power to bring me down.

For I love myself and I took a pledge.

I TAKE MY PLEDGE

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A Letter To My Beloved

This is to you my beloved

Mama and Baba

In whose arms there is nothing but solace

A comforting embrace

A love coccoon.
To Mama,

You bore me through hardships

Raised me with love

Hugged me with care

Loved me without despair.

I remember hiding behind you,

Or crying out Mama when I ran

When I was at fault.

Climbing up beds

Only to jump in your arms.

Waiting eargely by the door

Every single day till you came back.
To Baba,

You played with me

Taught me how to walk

How to run and talk

I still remember you entering from work

Sitting in a stool with a Barbie Kitchen Set

Sipping imaginary tea with a cookie.

Or pretending to cough

So, I your Daughter, I meant Doctor

Would check you up and inject you, even if it was just once.
These memories and much more,

Speedboats to Lamu

Picnics in a Lost Paradise

Swimming in Islands

Hiking in forests

Shopping in malls

Tours in Animal parks

Late night movies

Early morning cartoons

Rides in an amusement park

And the best of them all

Praying side by side

Holding your hands doing Tawwaff

Seeing the Holy House with you

And waking up everyday and seeing you.
To Yumma and AbyAby

It is said Children are the crowns of their parents,

Let us be the crowns on your head,

Adorned with pearls of laughter

Emeralds of blessings

Rubies of love

Diamonds of health

Secured with golden care.

To those who love unconditionally,

Mama and Baba,

We love you too.

May Allah incrase in your age and health and wealth,

May He open all doors of happiness and blessings 

✌&❤

Habeebaty.

THE PRISON I CALL HOME

For some,

Home is a sanctuary

A peaceful abode

A lovely place

Kindly, hear me out.

Let me tell you all

Of the prison I call home.

What shall I start with?

The violence?

The murder?

The savagery?

Brutality?

The fact that I’d prefer death to life?

Bombs dropping by the hour?

Playgrounds looking like grave yards

Only with the dead unburied

Shocking statistics

No worries, half are still unaccounted for.

Neighbors trapped in rubble

Hospitals barely standing

Dead streets everywhere

With dead closed ones all around

Everyone lives in fear

Of the horrors yet to be seen.

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Shall I tell you more?

Of the hell I call home?

Where I’ve witnessed death and despair

Where I’ve seen cruelty and brutality?

Let me say it now

For I dread tomorrow

I fear I may not be able to say it again

Maybe I shall be a statistic tomorrow

Of the lost never to be found

Or the dead and unaccounted

This is my fate

One I grew to hate

Shall I describe it more?

I do have siblings

Ones I’ve not seen for months

Interrogative questioning, I heard

Before they went missing

I used to have a father,

One killed before my very eyes

A Mama too,

Who took her own life.

She preferred death over rape, you see.

I know where I live.

On Planet Earth, a fact this is

Yet, fellow Earth occupiers never feel

The terrors of what I call home

The lingering smell of death that hangs on my door

The streaks of blood that paints my streets

Fellow humans

This is the prison I call home.

 

 

To all those humane,

I humbly beg

Regardless of the religion you profess

Kindly pray for #Aleppo.

 

 

Love,

Habeebaty.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

STEP BY STEP

I stayed close

To keep you warm

Stayed beside you

To let you know I care

Just right next to you

To show you support

Beside you

To let you know I love you

I let go

So that we meet again

In front of My Lord

With His will

We shall meet again.

Slowly

Step by step

Throughout the way

You stayed close

Steadily

Warm and sweet

Right beside me

You stayed close

 

Smiling

Bright and broad

Just next to me

You stayed close

 

Sadly

You let go

With hope of meeting again,

In a happier place.

 

I may have lost you know

Physically, that is.

But in our hearts

You forever shall live

 

I may not see you again

But your face is as fresh

As I saw you yesterday

And again and again.

 

In my prayers,

I shall remember you

Today and Tomorrow

And again and again.

 

To Allah We Belong

And To Him We Return

Till Paradise

Dearest One.

 

 

 

 

Childhood Memories

I grew up

And I grew well

This is for them

Who made my childhood memories

My siblings

My cousins.

I grew up dancing in the rain

I grew up laughing in a roller coaster

I grew up learning how to bake

I grew up rolling around in grass

I grew up covered in ash

I grew up in a library

I grew up infront of a TV

I grew up in the beach

I grew up drinking “Dawa ya Green”

I grew up in the Cinemax

I grew up in Makadara Grounds

I grew up eating in a circle

I grew up loving Achari

I grew up going out for ice cream

I grew up lighting fireworks

I grew up playing pranks

I grew up watching a Ferrari

I grew up in a Tuk Tuk Garage

I grew up chasing goats

I grew up in the back of a Picana Lorry

I grew up hiding chilli in your food

I grew up selling sand in Mabuyu packs

I grew up in a truck full of glass

I grew up sleeping on the rooftop

I grew up playing pool and darts

I grew up loving The Red Devils

I grew up a business lady

I grew up a bride and a groom 

I grew up dancing in your weddings
I grew up laughing

I grew up smiling

I grew up happy

I grew up one step at a time

I thrived in family love

I flourished in gatherings

I prospered with family

This is for them 

Who made my childhood memories

My Siblings

My Cousins

Dedicated to the best cousins in the world!!

Listening to other people’s childhood memories made me realize how happy and fun mine was.

Each memory is with a cousin and a sibling.

May Allah keep you happy always!

✌&❤

Habeebaty.

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