💔

Drifting away into numbness

Hear my cry

Heed my plea

Save me

Before it’s too late

I weep for the girl that was

Smiling and ever happy

I wish not to be stuck

Smiling in pain

Let my tears flow

Before they turn red

Hear my cry

Heed my plea

Drowning

Clutching to all straws

Fading away

Into an emotionless pit

Listen to my heart

Forget my words

I’ll say I’m fine

When I’m anything but

Hold me tight

Help me fight

My demons taking the best of me

Hear my cry

Heed my plea

I’m lost

I’m wandering

Like a ghost

Haunting nothing but myself

Nightmares merging in to my reality

Hear my cry

Heed my plea

Aid me before it’s too late

Listen Up, NO means NO.

I feel my heart heavy

My feet dragging on

Everywhere I look

I see pain and heartbreak

Girls been raped

Abused then accused

There was consent

They lied

After all, they enjoyed it

And then they were asked

Why didn’t you speak up sooner

Stop changing the narrative

We know what happened

Even when were not there

We know

After being told

To cover up

Wash up

Clean yourself up

Then shut up

It’s done anyway

We’ll raise you higher up

Worry not,

We’ll give you free tuition

To cover up this flawed situation

Come on, we are in a corrupt nation

Seems like we gained naught from our education

That No means No

Say yes, say Yes

Even, when you tried to say no

We’ll prove it was yes, it was yes

Before educating me for free

A price you want to buy me

For my silence, for my screams

I’ll give you a lesson for free

NO MEANS NO

I say NO to your price

I shall not be bought

I say NO to silence

I stand NOT alone

I say NO to rape culture

I only wish I was heard

When I first said NO.

Let’s learn consent

If I was tricked into it, then it’s a NO

If I was drugged, Then it’s a NO

If I said yes, then changed my mind, it’s my choice, and I choose to say NO

If I was held hostage, knife on my throat, Trust me it’s a NO

If I did NOT explicitly, without doubt, force or willingness, say Yes, then it’s a NO

I owe you nothing

No matter who you are

Not my body, Not my choice

It’s mine, My decision to make

And if it’s a NO, It’s a NO

Take a hint, and LET GO, It’s A NO

How many more times

Do I have to repeat myself

I seem to be not passing the message through

But if I will be believed

Then

See you in court

See, I kept an If

Because in this corrupt country

With most high ups deep in bigotry

I doubt that I’ll ever be heard

But for you, listening

Reading this, and understanding

Share my story

So we can stand together

To fight this creature

An ugly monster

In the form of rape culture

#metoo

April 3rd 2018

I woke up scared of today

Scared of the people that lost their humanity

Scared of what would have happened

Terrified

I considered leaving my hijaab at home

Just for one day, I said

I was ready

Words in my mouth

Ready to deny my identity

Horrified of what these beings would do

I panicked everytime someone passed me by

Don’t walk alone

Trust nobody

Trepidation filled my body

Remembrance of my Lord repeatedly on my tongue

I was ready to be hit

Practised how to protect myself

To minimise damage

If they got me, maybe they’ll let me go

I would’ve loved to say

That I fear no human being

That I am brave

And would take it all bravely

But I’m not

And humans scare me.

I’m left praying

For myself, and all my fellow Muslims

May Allah protect you and keep you safe

From the evils that these humans bring

From the bigotry and Islamophobia

That we still face.

I do not want to live in fear

Terrorized because of my identity

Because of my religion

Where it spreads nothing but peace

So leave me in peace.

See, I’m Still Alive

See growing up was hard, especially if you felt what I went through, seen what I’d been through. I ask for no pity no worry and please, don’t question me.

It’s happened, over and done with. See, let me break it down for you. I’ve dealt with depression by myself, how did you know? Well, I’ve felt the sick pleasure of hurting myself, see, I’m stupidly smart, learned how to feel pain leaving no scars.

I’ve spent sleepless nights, insomniac and living. I’ve starved myself, living on nothing but water and air. I’ve contemplated running away from home, school and life. I’ve been stuck in nightmares, lived through hell and see, I’ve made it so far, scarred, scared, broken but very much alive. I need not your pity, sympathy nor tears, and please, keep your questions to your self. I’ve lived through insults, let me tell you, those that hurt most are those from those you love the most. I’ve lived through them all, see, yet I’m still alive.

I’ve laid in bed wondering why me? Why shouldn’t I just relieve them all, it’ll be as they said, as if I never existed. They wish I never did most of the times anyway, I’m a shame, a disgrace, a scar they should hide. I never fit in among them anyways. See, let my tears flow, I don’t understand why you are crying, its my life, not yours, please keep your tears, hands and words to your self. I’m still alive you know.

You never cared, when you leave you’ll forget about me, forget about my story, forget I ever existed. Don’t deny it, I know you will. I’m not extraordinary nor am I special. Just a stupid lazy person with no interest, no focus, no life. Why should it matter if I lived or left? Be on your merry way and let me be, let me on my own, leave me to my devices. It shouldn’t matter to you. What am I to you anyways?

Broken, mentally and physically, tired and exhausted. Screwed up in my head, I know I am. My attempt to state facts may seem like a plea of help. My numbness mistaken for desperation, my fight mistaken for being obstinate. I’m neither this nor that. Just a wandering soul, not lost neither looking for solace. I’m totally fine living between life and death, existing, I think is a better term. See, all this is my own doing, no one to blame but me, so save your caring nature someone worthy of the nurture. I’m still alive you see.

A WordPress.com Website.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: