Shallow standards of beauty are what I grew up seeing.
Perfect height, weight and assets to complement.
So anything other than that was not beautiful.
It simply could not be beautiful.
I always wondered about it.
For I see beauty in a smile,
Beauty in tears,
Beauty in pain
And beauty in a storm.
I am astonished by strength,
Intrigued by bravery
And inspired by courage.
I see beauty in a stroke of a painter’s brush,
In a paragraph of a writer’s book,
And in the words of a poet.
I see beauty in almost everything I encounter.
What I did not see, was beauty in me.
I fell in love with the passionate souls that choose to believe in their ability to create art.
I wonder what would someone find beautiful?
Plain brown eyes. Dull skin and messy hair?
I look at the mirror every day and wonder how anyone would think that I was beautiful.
Not only in my appearance, but for who I am too.
Would someone like me when I ramble on?
Would anyone see beauty in what i write?
Would anyone see the pain in my words and choose to stay?
Is there beauty in who I am?
I wish I had an answer. I don’t.
And even if somebody said yes, I probably would not believe it.
Not right now.
Not until I believe in myself.
Until I love me.
I am learning, to love myself for everything I am and what I do.
For my weird habits and silly rambles.
For who I am.
And also, for how I look.
Until I love me. I shall continue searching for these answers.
Or maybe once I know. I wouldn’t need any answers.
When I find one thing I like,
I’d find a thousand more to hate
Little things to always pick on.
For I will know the truth.
Until I forgive myself
For all that I have done
For all the mistakes I wronged myself
For the pain I put myself through.
Maybe then I’d learn to forgive others too.
I do not see this at all.
I justify all the wrongs I have faced with what I see in the mirror.
I look at the reflection and I don’t see someone who deserves to be happy.
I see broken pieces
I see shards
I see secrets
I see lies and sins
How can someone live with a person like this?
Till then, when I learn to love me all
All the broken pieces and cracks
Then, I wait for.
I do sometimes,
Like the happiness behind a smile
When I smile and my reflection smiles back.
For then I know, I can still be happy.
The nights I fear most,
Is those I feel nothing
Never ending numbness
Those I fear.
When I force myself to feel.
I have not despaired
For the Believers, there is no despair
I hope the day comes soon
When I love picking up a pen and writing again
When I feel the warmth of a loving gaze
When I smile from my heart
And let it show on my face
When I can say
I love me
For my self
For my being
For who I am
For what I do
For what I’ve been through
And for all that I’m about to be.
Till I love me