๐Ÿ’”

Drifting away into numbness

Hear my cry

Heed my plea

Save me

Before it’s too late

I weep for the girl that was

Smiling and ever happy

I wish not to be stuck

Smiling in pain

Let my tears flow

Before they turn red

Hear my cry

Heed my plea

Drowning

Clutching to all straws

Fading away

Into an emotionless pit

Listen to my heart

Forget my words

I’ll say I’m fine

When I’m anything but

Hold me tight

Help me fight

My demons taking the best of me

Hear my cry

Heed my plea

I’m lost

I’m wandering

Like a ghost

Haunting nothing but myself

Nightmares merging in to my reality

Hear my cry

Heed my plea

Aid me before it’s too late

I FEEL

I did a survey, one day ago. A post I saw on Twitter.

‘I need help’ and ‘I love you’ were the most replies. ‘I’m hurting’ came really close too and ‘I apologize’ had the least.

But it all comes down to our feelings I guess.

We hide our true feelings behind masks and now behind the screens of our devices.

I guess what we fear the most is the reply to whatever we say.

We fear the scrutiny that society and now social media that comes with admitting what we feel.

I feel.

I am human so I feel.

I personally, might be among the people who hardly admit when they need help.

I’d rather get lost and wander in a new town for hours for what was meant to be a 10 minute errand. (Trust me it happened)

I’d rather retreat in my shell and put a cap on anything negative that I feel than talking about it.

I’d rather drag myself to the hospital alone than worry anybody when I’m sick.

I realize it’s wrong.

We have friends and family for this reason and many more.

When we’re down, talk to somebody.

When you love, admit it

When you hurt, seek help

When we wrong, ask for forgiveness.

When we’re lost, ask for directions

We are not lonely islands drifting in the sea

Nor are we lone cacti in the desert

We are humans and so we feel

And others have felt what we feel

They can help

I realize admitting one’s feelings on something may go wrong

But what if goes right?

What if it does work out?

What if it all falls into place?

From today onwards, I look forward to saying what I feel in hopes it helps one admit theirs.

Love, care and kindness are too precious for one to just hold on to alone. Spread the feelings.

You are not a pre-programmed robot trained to eat, work, sleep and wake.

Love in the moment with joy and happiness.

Trust in a Higher Power looking after you and paving the way for you.

I feel relieved as I type this out.

I love you. โค

Forgiving Humanity

She’s asked

Why are your thoughts sad

Why do your dreams sound broken

Why does your heart seem crushed

Do you not believe

In humanity anymore

What about its redemption

Can we earn not forgiveness

From our never-ending repentance

Our regrets. Our confessions.

What should we do?

To right our wrongs

To earn our vindication

Can we not earn back your trust?

Pretty little girl,

Forgive humanity

For turning a blind eye

We’ll turn over new leaves

Never again, will we concede

To evil, and what it yields

Excuse our misgivings

Pardon our shortcomings

Forgive us,

So we may learn to forgive ourselves

There still is hope

For not all of us cower in fear

We’ll stand up

Behind you, Right next to you

We’ll be brave

We’ll fight the silence

We’ll preach to the masses

Behind #metoo

We all shall be right there, with you.

 

 

Ramadhaan ; The Month of Mercy and Forgiveness

Assalamu alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakaatuhu,

 

The most awaited month in the Muslim Calendar is finally here: Ramadhaan!

My prayer for us all is that may Allah guide us to the correct path and may He shower us with mercy and blessings in this blessed month.

In the past, I was unfortunately among those who silently judged those who improved themselves in Ramadhaan, the famous saying “When Barbies become Hijabis and Playboys become Pray boys” was drilled into me by those around me that I closed my thinking and sat myself on a pedestal. It didn’t take me long to understand that my thinking was wrong, what people were doing was wrong, what I was doing was not taught to us by the Prophet.

I was being judgmental, thinking myself better because I wore my hijaab at all times, I prayed and I did this and that. I acted as if Jannah was already mine. May Allah forgive me for my past misgivings and my sins. How sure am I that Allah has even accepted my past deeds? I am even in doubt that they were sincere.

But here comes a blessing in a blessing in a blessing, the Holy month of Ramadhan; where I am given a chance at a clean slate with my Lord.

Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: When Ramadan enters, the gates of Paradise are opened, the gates of Hellfire are closed and the devils are chained. (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

Here is a chance for all of us to redeem ourselves and humble ourselves before the Lord of All mankind.

The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) climbed upon the Minbar (pulpit) and said, โ€˜Ameen, Ameen, Ameen.โ€™ It was said, โ€˜O Messenger of Allah, why did you say Ameen?โ€™ He (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said, โ€˜Jibreel came to me and said, โ€˜O Muhammad, he is doomed who hears your mention and does not say, Peace be upon you. (in the Hadeeth of Musnad Ahmad โ€“ then Allah may distance him)โ€™ He said, โ€˜Say, Ameen.โ€™ So, I said, โ€˜Ameenโ€™. Then he said, โ€˜He is doomed who sees the month of Ramadaan come and go, and he has not been forgiven. (in the Hadeeth of Musnad Ahmad โ€“ and so he enters Hell Fire, then Allah may distance him)โ€™ He said, โ€˜Say, โ€˜Ameen.โ€™ So, I said, โ€˜Ameenโ€™. Then he said, โ€˜He is doomed, who grows up and both his parents, or one of them is still alive, and they do not cause him to enter Paradise (in the Hadeeth of Musnad Ahmad โ€“ then Allah may distance him)โ€™ He said, โ€˜Say, Ameen.โ€™ So, I said, โ€˜Ameen.โ€

 

I pray that Allah gives us the strength to use this chance so that we don’t be those who are in a loss.

Abu Hurayrah reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said,

Whoever observes fasts during the month of Ramadan out of sincere faith, and hoping to attain Allahโ€™s rewards, then all his past sins will be forgiven. (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

For those among us, finding themselves in Ramadhaan, may Allah give us the strength to practice Islam everyday, even when practicing becomes like holding hot coal, may He give us the courage to hold on, even when holding on to our religion becomes strange and may He accept our fasts and our prayers.

For those who choose to sit on a pedestal, point fingers and judge: Jannah is by Allah’s Will and He alone has the right for admission to it. For all of us, Children of Nabii Adam, is, to do our best and strive hard to achieve it. Worry about your deeds, are they sincere? Worry about your salah, is it perfected? Are your intentions pure? Forget judging others and for once, if you were to be judged, do you think Jannah is guaranteed for you? Do not be haste to point fingers.

Advise in a good and wise way. Be kind in your approach, be sincere and be mindful of your words. Do not be the reason someone turned away from religion.

We should not lose hope in the mercy of Allah.

Allah says: โ€œSay: O my Servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah: for Allah forgives all sins: for He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.โ€ [Sรปrah al-Zumar: 53]

Allah forgives all sins.

Allah says: โ€œUnless he repents, believes, and works righteous deeds, for Allah will change the evil of such persons into good, and Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful,โ€ [Sรปrah al-Furqรขn: 70]

 

 

I pray that we sincerely take this chance to repent and plead with Allah to forgive us, for as long as we are alive and the sun rises in the East, the doors of Repentance are open.

 

 

 

I dedicate this piece to my brother, Abdulkareem, May Allah have mercy on your soul and raise your ranks in paradise.

 

ุงู„ู„ู‡ูู€ู…ู‘ู ุงุบู’ููู€ุฑู’ ู„ูŽู‡ู ูˆูŽุงุฑู’ุญูŽู…ู’ู€ู‡ ุŒ ูˆูŽุนุงููู‡ู ูˆูŽุงุนู’ูู ุนูŽู†ู’ู€ู‡ ุŒ ูˆูŽุฃูŽูƒู’ู€ุฑูู…ู’ ู†ูุฒูู„ูŽู€ู‡ ุŒ ูˆูŽูˆูŽุณู‘ูู€ุนู’ ู…ูุฏู’ุฎูŽู€ู„ูŽู‡ ุŒ ูˆูŽุงุบู’ุณูู„ู’ู€ู‡ู ุจูุงู„ู’ู…ู€ุงุกู ูˆูŽุงู„ุซู‘ูŽู€ู„ู’ุฌู ูˆูŽุงู„ู’ุจูŽู€ุฑูŽุฏู’ ุŒ ูˆูŽู†ูŽู‚ู‘ูู€ู‡ู ู…ูู†ูŽ ุงู„ู’ุฎุทู€ุงูŠุง ูƒูŽู…ุง ู†ูŽู€ู‚ู‘ูŠู’ุชูŽ ุงู„ู€ุซู‘ูŽูˆู’ุจู ุงู„ุฃูŽุจู’ูŠูŽู€ุถู ู…ูู†ูŽ ุงู„ุฏู‘ูŽู†ูŽู€ุณู’ ุŒ ูˆูŽุฃูŽุจู’ู€ุฏูู„ู’ู‡ู ุฏุงุฑุงู‹ ุฎูŽู€ูŠู’ุฑุงู‹ ู…ูู†ู’ ุฏุงุฑูู‡ ุŒ ูˆูŽุฃูŽู‡ู’ู„ุงู‹ ุฎูŽู€ูŠู’ุฑุงู‹ ู…ูู†ู’ ุฃูŽู‡ู’ู„ูู€ู‡ ุŒ ูˆูŽุฒูŽูˆู’ุฌูŽู€ุงู‹ ุฎูŽู€ูŠู’ุฑุงู‹ ู…ูู†ู’ ุฒูŽูˆู’ุฌูู‡ุŒ ูˆูŽุฃูŽุฏู’ุฎูู€ู„ู’ู‡ู ุงู„ู’ุฌูŽู€ู†ู‘ูŽุฉ ุŒ ูˆูŽุฃูŽุนูู€ุฐู’ู‡ู ู…ูู†ู’ ุนูŽุฐุงุจู ุงู„ู‚ูŽู€ุจู’ุฑ ูˆูŽุนูŽุฐุงุจู ุงู„ู†ู‘ู€ุงุฑ

O Allah, forgive him and have mercy on him and give him strength and pardon him. Be generous to him and cause his entrance to be wide and wash him with water and snow and hail. Cleanse him of his transgressions as white cloth is cleansed of stains. Give him an abode better than his home, and a family better than his family and a wife better than his wife. Take him into Paradise and protect him from the punishment of the grave [and from the punishment of Hell-fire].

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Monsters and Nightmares

I’ve lived through nights I wish I hadn’t

I’ve wished for death even by my hand

I’ve carved my skin, deep enough to feel pain, deep enough to let go

I’ve witnessed nightmares even while awake

I wished for the ground to swallow me up

I’ve wished for the room to close me in

For the last breathe to leave my body

Just so I could escape this world

I can still feel

The hands on my neck

Squeezing, with no aim to let go.

I can still feel

The wandering hands on my body

Leaving a slimy feel

Painful, aimed to hurt

I can still see

The darkness of the corner

One that was safe

Only it wasn’t hard to be found

I can still smell

The dust underneath the bed

My refuge

Before I got dragged out

The nightmares that I live with

All remind me

Of a beast I’d wish to forget

Only he never left.

These are tears of a rose.

From nightmares and monsters.

It starts slowly,

Like a horror film,

Then comes the screams of a little girl,

Held down, head on the cold floor

Tears streaming down her face

She refuses to look at him

Her gaze falls on her little Barbie doll

She barely is 6 years old.

She can feel the pain

Feel the anger

And my screams merge with hers

Only, they were mine all along.

Silent cries for help.

Nobody comes to help.

The absolute terror,

When anyone grabs her suddenly

She hates the feeling of contact

For all she knows

Is to never trust anybody

Men and women alike

She is safe from nobody.

The anxiety

Like dipping in cold water on a freezing night

Like drowning in sea water. eyes wide open

Like suffocating, just like his hands on her neck

She sees her nightmares every time she closes her eyes

Sees her monsters every time she opens them up.

She wants not to be touched,

Believes not in love

Never had faith in trust

Never hoped for a better life

How do I let her know

Not all beings are monsters?

How do I stop myself,

From whisking her away in my arms

To hold her tight in my arms so she could cry

To have her in my embrace till she stopped sobbing

To hide her in my heart

So she can know of the love I have for her

How do I tell her?

That she’s beautiful

Absolutely amazing

How do I give her hope?

For a better tomorrow.

How do I tell her?

That tomorrow, The sun will rise again

It’ll be better

So let the rain wash away

The tears in your heart

Let His Light, heal your wounds

Believe, and let Him fade your scars.

Have hope in your Lord.

TILL I LOVE ME

Shallow standards of beauty are what I grew up seeing.

Perfect height, weight and assets to complement.

So anything other than that was not beautiful.

It simply could not be beautiful.

I always wondered about it.

For I see beauty in a smile,

Beauty in tears,

Beauty in pain

And beauty in a storm.

I am astonished by strength,

Intrigued by bravery

And inspired by courage.

I see beauty in a stroke of a painter’s brush,

In a paragraph of a writer’s book,

And in the words of a poet.

I see beauty in almost everything I encounter.

What I did not see, was beauty in me.

I fell in love with the passionate souls that choose to believe in their ability to create art.

I wonder what would someone find beautiful?

Plain brown eyes. Dull skin and messy hair?

I look at the mirror every day and wonder how anyone would think that I was beautiful.

Not only in my appearance, but for who I am too.

Would someone like me when I ramble on?

Would anyone see beauty in what i write?

Would anyone see the pain in my words and choose to stay?

Is there beauty in who I am?

I wish I had an answer. I don’t.

And even if somebody said yes, I probably would not believe it.

Not right now.

Not until I believe in myself.

Until I love me.

I am learning, to love myself for everything I am and what I do.

For my weird habits and silly rambles.

For who I am.

And also, for how I look.

Until I love me. I shall continue searching for these answers.

Or maybe once I know. I wouldn’t need any answers.

When I find one thing I like,

I’d find a thousand more to hate

Little things to always pick on.

For I will know the truth.

Until I forgive myself

For all that I have done

For all the mistakes I wronged myself

For the pain I put myself through.

Maybe then I’d learn to forgive others too.

I do not see this at all.

I justify all the wrongs I have faced with what I see in the mirror.

I look at the reflection and I don’t see someone who deserves to be happy.

I see broken pieces

I see shards

I see secrets

I see lies and sins

How can someone live with a person like this?

Till then, when I learn to love me all

All the broken pieces and cracks

Then, I wait for.

I do sometimes,

Like the happiness behind a smile

When I smile and my reflection smiles back.

For then I know, I can still be happy.

The nights I fear most,

Is those I feel nothing

Never ending numbness

No hate

No love

No pain

No hurt

Those I fear.

When I force myself to feel.

Worry not,

I have not despaired

For the Believers, there is no despair

I hope the day comes soon

When I love picking up a pen and writing again

When I feel the warmth of a loving gaze

When I smile from my heart

And let it show on my face

When I can say

With assuringly

And truly

I love me

For my self

For my being

For who I am

For what I do

For what I’ve been through

And for all that I’m about to be.

Till I love me

CONFUSION

This feeling

It’s confusing

As if I’m losing

Or I’ve already lost

My heart pains

And my soul aches

Incomplete

Flawed

I see my self

And I’m not pleased

I mourn for what could be

I am scared

Terrified of what it could mean

What am I about to lose?

Is it a loved one?

Or is it me?

If it is I

As I think it is

I’m sorry to all I have wronged

I beseech to them so they may forgive me

I cry to my Lord, so that He can have mercy on me

I wish to be remembered in prayers and in goodness

Forgive my wrongs

Conceal my faults

Soon.

Still confused.

On how I feel.

If I’m not to be there

Remember me

For the little I did

Forgive me, for my wrongs

I regret my sins.

I am terrified of it all.

For when I see myself,

I see what could have been and not what is.

And for that alone.

I am terrified.

I Cry

I cry for my distressed soul.

I cry not knowing when I shall depart .

I cry not knowing what state I shall leave in.

I cry for myself and for you too.

I cry.

I cry out for mercy.

I cry out for forgiveness.

I cry for how quickly I forget my tears.

I cry for I know I’m not ready to meet My Lord .

I cry, Ya Rabb! I cry out for you.

I cry out My Lord forgive my ignorant soul.

I cry, Ya Rabb, have mercy on my ungrateful self.

I cry out, for in the dark of the night I remember all my wrongs.

I cry out, Ya Rabb, take me only when you are pleased with me.

I cry out Ya Rahman, for the ones I have wronged.

I cry out Ya Saater, protect me, conceal my faults.

I cry out for you Allah.

I cry out for your love and compassion.

I cry out for my people in Syria, Yemen and Palestine.

I cry out for relief for my family in Somalia and Burma.

I cry out most though, for those that have all, yet still don’t have You.

I cry out, I’m on my knees Ya Ilaah!

I cry out for my family, guide them ya Rabb.

I cry out for my siblings, Show them the right path.

I cry out for my Parents, Ya Rabb show them mercy for they showed me mercy.

I cry out for you my Lord, forgive me, have mercy on me and give me strength to persevere.

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