💔

Drifting away into numbness

Hear my cry

Heed my plea

Save me

Before it’s too late

I weep for the girl that was

Smiling and ever happy

I wish not to be stuck

Smiling in pain

Let my tears flow

Before they turn red

Hear my cry

Heed my plea

Drowning

Clutching to all straws

Fading away

Into an emotionless pit

Listen to my heart

Forget my words

I’ll say I’m fine

When I’m anything but

Hold me tight

Help me fight

My demons taking the best of me

Hear my cry

Heed my plea

I’m lost

I’m wandering

Like a ghost

Haunting nothing but myself

Nightmares merging in to my reality

Hear my cry

Heed my plea

Aid me before it’s too late

Slowly losing my mind

Slowly losing my smile

Slowly losing myself

Overwhelmed

Too much to feel

Too loud voices

Too fast

Too many thoughts

I can’t

Not anymore

I want to give up all I know

Just to get some peace

Some quiet

Some calm

So I can rest

Finally at peace

Yet beyond the darkness

I see no light

For the life I have been living

Does not earn me the peace

I deserve not the mercy

I do not despair

I just realize

Before my time comes

I want to be at peace

With My Creator

With my soul

With my heart

With my companions

So I can leave

Without feeling guilty

Without feeling sad

Without this noose tightening around my neck

Without this weight crashing in my chest

I lost the only light I ever knew

The purity of bowing to My Lord

The calm when I prostrate

The light in my heart when I end my prayer

The pause in this fast life once I start

And yet I wondered why everything is crashing around me

When I disregarded my shield

When I nearly threw away my peace

And helpless as I am

Will I be strong enough to find it again?

If I find the rope of my Lord once more

Will I have the courage to hold on?

Once I get on the path to my Lord

Will I be brave enough to steer on?

I fail.

I fail

I fail

But still there is time

Till the last breathe leaves my body

Till the sun rises from the West

I turn back to my Lord

In repentance

Asking for Mercy

Begging for forgiveness

I promise with all that is in me

To hold on for dear life

Try my best to never let go

Mercy, my Lord, Mercy

Give me strength to never go astray from Your path

Give me light to illuminate my way

Give my soul steadfastness to remain firm in faith

I humbly return to you My Lord

Take my soul, only when you are pleased with me

Give me a life that is blessed and fulfilling

Remove this emptiness from my heart

And fill it with Your Love

My Lord!

I pray for Your Love.

I pray for Your Mercy

I pray for Your repentance.

Show me mercy Your Lord.

TILL I LOVE ME

Shallow standards of beauty are what I grew up seeing.

Perfect height, weight and assets to complement.

So anything other than that was not beautiful.

It simply could not be beautiful.

I always wondered about it.

For I see beauty in a smile,

Beauty in tears,

Beauty in pain

And beauty in a storm.

I am astonished by strength,

Intrigued by bravery

And inspired by courage.

I see beauty in a stroke of a painter’s brush,

In a paragraph of a writer’s book,

And in the words of a poet.

I see beauty in almost everything I encounter.

What I did not see, was beauty in me.

I fell in love with the passionate souls that choose to believe in their ability to create art.

I wonder what would someone find beautiful?

Plain brown eyes. Dull skin and messy hair?

I look at the mirror every day and wonder how anyone would think that I was beautiful.

Not only in my appearance, but for who I am too.

Would someone like me when I ramble on?

Would anyone see beauty in what i write?

Would anyone see the pain in my words and choose to stay?

Is there beauty in who I am?

I wish I had an answer. I don’t.

And even if somebody said yes, I probably would not believe it.

Not right now.

Not until I believe in myself.

Until I love me.

I am learning, to love myself for everything I am and what I do.

For my weird habits and silly rambles.

For who I am.

And also, for how I look.

Until I love me. I shall continue searching for these answers.

Or maybe once I know. I wouldn’t need any answers.

When I find one thing I like,

I’d find a thousand more to hate

Little things to always pick on.

For I will know the truth.

Until I forgive myself

For all that I have done

For all the mistakes I wronged myself

For the pain I put myself through.

Maybe then I’d learn to forgive others too.

I do not see this at all.

I justify all the wrongs I have faced with what I see in the mirror.

I look at the reflection and I don’t see someone who deserves to be happy.

I see broken pieces

I see shards

I see secrets

I see lies and sins

How can someone live with a person like this?

Till then, when I learn to love me all

All the broken pieces and cracks

Then, I wait for.

I do sometimes,

Like the happiness behind a smile

When I smile and my reflection smiles back.

For then I know, I can still be happy.

The nights I fear most,

Is those I feel nothing

Never ending numbness

No hate

No love

No pain

No hurt

Those I fear.

When I force myself to feel.

Worry not,

I have not despaired

For the Believers, there is no despair

I hope the day comes soon

When I love picking up a pen and writing again

When I feel the warmth of a loving gaze

When I smile from my heart

And let it show on my face

When I can say

With assuringly

And truly

I love me

For my self

For my being

For who I am

For what I do

For what I’ve been through

And for all that I’m about to be.

Till I love me

CONFUSION

This feeling

It’s confusing

As if I’m losing

Or I’ve already lost

My heart pains

And my soul aches

Incomplete

Flawed

I see my self

And I’m not pleased

I mourn for what could be

I am scared

Terrified of what it could mean

What am I about to lose?

Is it a loved one?

Or is it me?

If it is I

As I think it is

I’m sorry to all I have wronged

I beseech to them so they may forgive me

I cry to my Lord, so that He can have mercy on me

I wish to be remembered in prayers and in goodness

Forgive my wrongs

Conceal my faults

Soon.

Still confused.

On how I feel.

If I’m not to be there

Remember me

For the little I did

Forgive me, for my wrongs

I regret my sins.

I am terrified of it all.

For when I see myself,

I see what could have been and not what is.

And for that alone.

I am terrified.

I Cry

I cry for my distressed soul.

I cry not knowing when I shall depart .

I cry not knowing what state I shall leave in.

I cry for myself and for you too.

I cry.

I cry out for mercy.

I cry out for forgiveness.

I cry for how quickly I forget my tears.

I cry for I know I’m not ready to meet My Lord .

I cry, Ya Rabb! I cry out for you.

I cry out My Lord forgive my ignorant soul.

I cry, Ya Rabb, have mercy on my ungrateful self.

I cry out, for in the dark of the night I remember all my wrongs.

I cry out, Ya Rabb, take me only when you are pleased with me.

I cry out Ya Rahman, for the ones I have wronged.

I cry out Ya Saater, protect me, conceal my faults.

I cry out for you Allah.

I cry out for your love and compassion.

I cry out for my people in Syria, Yemen and Palestine.

I cry out for relief for my family in Somalia and Burma.

I cry out most though, for those that have all, yet still don’t have You.

I cry out, I’m on my knees Ya Ilaah!

I cry out for my family, guide them ya Rabb.

I cry out for my siblings, Show them the right path.

I cry out for my Parents, Ya Rabb show them mercy for they showed me mercy.

I cry out for you my Lord, forgive me, have mercy on me and give me strength to persevere.

I WILL FIGHT

One swipe and it shall be gone

One press and you’ll stop feeling

One choice, it’ll only be a second

Is it worth it though?

I feel it when I lay on my bed

Disruptive thoughts

Am I worth it?

Am I ever going to be?

I realize that,

I’ve never been someone’s first

Not first priority

Not the first choice

Or have I?

I’ve never been needed

Never been chosen

Never someone’s best friend

Never someone’s number one

Or have I?

As I lay there

I forget

I forget of two parents who love me

I forget of the siblings I grew up with

Because at that moment

I want to be selfish

Uncaring

I want to feel pain

So I let myself forget

I forget of My Creator

Who blesses me and Loves me

I forget of my Prophet

Who loves me,

Cried for me before knowing me.

“Ummaty, Ummaty”

“My People, My People”

I forget about everyone who cares

Trying to trick my self that no one does

So when I pain, I justify it

Nobody cares anyway

You don’t matter anyway

I’m wrong

I hope to be wrong

I will fight for that chance

That hope for tomorrow

I will fight to live

I will fight to survive

I choose to be brave

I choose to be strong

I’ll fight.

And when I forget

I’ll fight to remember.

Even if it’s a fight against my mind

I will fight.

Heading Home

I’ve felt it, the lowest point.

Felt like I couldn’t breathe,

My chest hurt,

My heart was shredding into pieces,

And it was too quiet,

Enough to hear each shatter.

I kept to myself,

Detached everyone else,

Too safe, too lonely,

Too alone, too cold.

So scared to reach out,

So scared to be found out.

I felt everything at once,

Then felt nothing at all.

Despair, hopelessness, fear

Anger, Fear, Hate.

I COULDN’T BREATHE.

Then I did, felt nothing at all.

I pressed hard, hit hard.

Let me feel something.

If not, bring the pain.

Let it crush me.

Let it hold me.

Let it pain me.

Enough to let me know I was alive

I was breathing. I was alive.

Still I was restless. Hopeless.

My mind wouldn’t shut up.

My heart won’t settle.

I cried. And I cried some more.

Held my head, as I let my tears flow.

Oh God, did I wish to let go.

To go and let it all go.

Everything and nothing at all.

I felt it all, then nothing at all.

I heard it, play again and again

Every comment

Every word

Every joke

Every laugh

Every blow

Every mark

Again and again

Then again and again.

I wished I could tear it all apart.

Every feature.

Every mark.

I’d have done it.

If I didn’t pause to think.

Why? What wouldit solve?

Today, it’s me.

Tomorrow, it would be somebody else

Not now.

Not today.

Return home.

Head back.

You’ve forgotten the way, it’s not too late

As long as you still breathe

Head His Way

Return to Your Lord, O despaired soul

So I cried again,

Bowed my head, Then cried some more

Lord, Forgive me.

Have mercy on my soul.

Lord of the Heavens

Lord if the Earth

And everything in between

Have Mercy on my soul.

To be human is to forget

I forgot my way again

Lost in the Earthly hollowness

Dived in the Worldy shallowness

I forgot, the way to My Lord

Indulged my self in everything the world offered

Until I wasn’t satisfied anymore

I realized it again

So I cried, hit my chest,

And cried some more

Return me to You

Ya Rabb

Forgive me and have mercy on my soul

I’m lost

So guide me Home

Where my heart shall be in peace

My mind shall be settled

My tongue shall sing Your Praises

Guide me to the correct path

Protect me from all evils

When I stumble and fall,

Ya Allah, give me strength to stand back up

When I lose,

Ya Kareem, give me patience to try again.

When I am afflicted,

Ya Ghaffaar, have mercy on my soul.

I’m heading home.

KINTSUGI

I turned my tears into words

And my bleeding heart to an aching hand

I let my cries turn into prayers

And I prayed to My Lord

Take this aching heart and let it be free

Let it love you as You love me, My Lord

I write with my heart

I write with my soul

I let My Lord’s words fill me

Fill my broken heart

My shattered soul

Like Kintsugi, it was Words of Gold that filled me

I’m stronger than before

My Last Breathe

Living my life

I always thought, Love was

The greatest punishment ever,

Living my life centered around

Some stranger who becomes familiar?

Why make me vulnerable?

Giving out one thing I only owned,

My heart.

 

Little did I know

I was missing out on the greatest blessing

Loving My Lord

A love so great

And

A love so deep

The kind of love that is so familiar

The kind that words can not and never describe

I was missing out

On knowing My Creator

The One who owned me fully

Owned my heart wholly

And made me see the world so beautifully

O My Lord!

 

And then,

I lived life loving Him

Loving Him every single day

With every single breathe

And every single step

And each day,

I got to know a little more

Which made me love Him

A whole lot more,

With each word I learnt

I got to love Him in another amazing way.

 

And then,

I  got to know,

That my time was coming to an end

I could feel my life speeding past me

I could hear the prayer of my heart

Allah, end this torture, Ya Rabb

Unite me with You.

I can feel my mind drowning me,

I want so bad, to swim

But each time I struggle

I go down deep

I’m letting go, Dear Lord.

Guide me please,

Finally I get to meet

My Beloved

With my last breathe,

I praise you Allah

La ilaaha Illa Allah.

 

Ramadhan Is Finally Here!

Finally, the most awaited month in the Islamic Calendar has arrived. Alhamdillah, most of us already have it planned out.

May Allah make this Ramadhaan our turning point so that we can be better Muslims.

Allah Almighty gave us this month so that we could change and so that He could forgive us. How many of our relatives our friends someone we knew who was with us last Ramadhan and are not here today? Allah gave you this chance, how will you use it?

Ramadhan is the most conducive time for your Ibaadah, time for you to repent, afterall Shaytan is locked away….

Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: When Ramadan enters, the gates of Paradise are opened, the gates of Hellfire are closed and the devils are chained. (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

It’s up to us to decide what we want to do this Ramadhan then ask Allah Almighty to give us Tawfeeq to do it. Are we going to be in a loss?

The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) climbed upon the Minbar (pulpit) and said, ‘Ameen, Ameen, Ameen.’ It was said, ‘O Messenger of Allah, why did you say Ameen?’ He (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said, ‘Jibreel came to me and said, ‘O Muhammad, he is doomed who hears your mention and does not say, Peace be upon you. (in the Hadeeth of Musnad Ahmad – then Allah may distance him)’ He said, ‘Say, Ameen.’ So, I said, ‘Ameen’. Then he said, ‘He is doomed who sees the month of Ramadaan come and go, and he has not been forgiven. (in the Hadeeth of Musnad Ahmad – and so he enters Hell Fire, then Allah may distance him)’ He said, ‘Say, ‘Ameen.’ So, I said, ‘Ameen’. Then he said, ‘He is doomed, who grows up and both his parents, or one of them is still alive, and they do not cause him to enter Paradise (in the Hadeeth of Musnad Ahmad – then Allah may distance him)’ He said, ‘Say, Ameen.’ So, I said, ‘Ameen.”

Subhanallah! Are we going to be in a loss?( We ask Allah’s refuge from that)

This was a supplication by an Angel and replied to by a Prophet. Not just any Angel but Jibreel (Alayhi Salaam) and replied to by Rasulullah Muhammad peace be upon him.

Or are we going to be among the successful?

Abu Hurayrah reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said,

Whoever observes fasts during the month of Ramadan out of sincere faith, and hoping to attain Allah’s rewards, then all his past sins will be forgiven. (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

We should try our very best to try and get Allah’s pleasure this Ramadhan… No matter how big our sins are…

Allah says: “Say: O my Servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah: for Allah forgives all sins: for He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” [Sûrah al-Zumar: 53]

Allah forgives all sins…

Allah says: “Unless he repents, believes, and works righteous deeds, for Allah will change the evil of such persons into good, and Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful,” [Sûrah al-Furqân: 70]

All we need to do is repent sincerely and Surely Allah is MOST FORGIVING!

Allah wants to forgive you….

Allah wants to accept your repentance, but those who follow [their] passions want you to digress [into] a great deviation.

Ask Him and He surely will forgive you.

Except those who repent, have faith and good deeds, those Allah will charge their sins for good deeds. Certainly Allah is most forgiving and merciful.

That’s your first step, ask Allah for His forgiveness and He surely will forgive you.

Secondly, make a timetable for your Ramadhan planning. Whatever you want to do put it down in a nice organized manner,after all Muslims are organized people.

Write down a timetable

Divide your day into at least 6 parts:

The morning: suhoor, tahajjud, Fajr, reciting Quran after Fajr, istighfar

Work: Remember fasting is not an excuse to be inefficient at work; neither does it justify being ill tempered because you miss your coffee! Concentrate on dhikr especially while waiting in traffic, while driving to and from work and school etc.

From Asr to Maghrib: 30 minute nap, family time: discussion, reciting Qur’an, watch an educational program, narrating the prophets’ stories, prepare Iftar, any other task you planned etc.

Breaking fast: Break your fast with dates and water as it is sunnah, and also has numerous health benefits.

Isha/ taraweeh: It is not necessary to spend hours in traffic to go to a mosque with the best sheikh/ imam in the city. Choose a Masjid that is in your neighborhood!

Night: This time depends on when you complete the Taraweeh prayers. (Family time, completing other tasks, Qiyam)

Keep each Salah as a time interval between tasks, so you can pray at the masjid if possible.

Intention for i’tikaaf (to stay in the masjid for a particular time period in the worship of Allah subhānahu wa ta’āla (glorified and exalted be He) while maintaining certain conditions)

Timetable from:

(http://productivemuslim.com/how-to-plan-a-schedule-for-the-month-of-ramadan/)

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Ramadhan is the month of Quraan, Read Quraan as much as you can and also reflect upon it. Reading Quraan without reflecting upon it is of no use at all. We can mutter it with our tongues but not reflect in our hearts. It is best to read 10 verses and reflect upon it than read 10 surahs without reflecting upon it at all.

The month of Ramadan in which was revealed the Quran, a guidance for mankind and clear proofs for the guidance and the Criterion (between right and wrong). So, whoever of you sights the month, he/she must observe fasts that month and whoever is ill or on a journey, the same number (of days which one did not observe fasts must be made up) from other days. Allah intends for you ease, and he does not want to make things difficult for you. He wants that you must complete the same number of days and that you must glorify Allah for having guided you so that you may be grateful to Him.” (2:184)

Don’t forget to pray Taraweh in your local masjid.

Narrated Abu Huraira: I heard Allah’s Apostle saying regarding Ramadan, “Whoever prayed at night in it (the month of Ramadan) out of sincere Faith and hoping for a reward from Allah, then all his previous sins will be forgiven.”

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Look out for Laylatul Qadr, The Night of Power a night better than 1000 months!

Narrated ‘Aisha: Allah’s Apostle said, “Search for the Night of Qadr in the odd nights of the last ten days of Ramadan.”

We have indeed revealed this (Message) in the Night of Power:

And what will explain to thee what the night of power is?

The Night of Power is better than a thousand months.

Therein come down the angels and the Spirit by Allah’s permission, on every errand:

Peace!…This until the rise of dawn!

The verses above regard the Night as better than hundred years . The whole month of Ramadan is a period of spiritual training wherein believers devote much of their time to fasting, praying, reciting the Quran, remembering Allah, and giving charity. However because of the revealed importance of this night, Muslims strive [give more effort] harder in the last ten days of Ramadan since the Laylat al-Qadr could be one of the odd-numbered days in these last ten (the first, third, fifth, seventh or ninth). Normally, some Muslims from each community perform itikāf in the mosque: they remain in the mosque for the last ten days of the month for prayers and recitation. Women also observe i’tikaf. They remain in prayer and meditation mostly, although they are allowed to do the minimum domestic work to run the family .When Muhammed observed i’tikaf in a tent, he saw a few tents around his. His wives joined him by pitching tents.(From Wikipedia)

Before you start this month, start it with a clean heart. Don’t hold any grudges.Forgive all those who wronged you.

“..and let them pardon and overlook. Would you not like that Allah should forgive you? And Allah is Forgiving and Merciful.”

BE CONSISTENT IN YOUR DEEDS DURING RAMADHAN AND AFTER RAMADHAN TOO!

BENEFITS OF FASTING.

“In Paradise there is a gate called al-Rayyaan, through which those who used to fast will enter on the Day of Resurrection, and no one but they will enter it. It will be said, ‘Where are those who fasted?’ They will get up, and none will enter it but them. When they have entered, it will be locked, and no one else will enter.”

It was narrated from Abu Salamah that Abu Hurayrah said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘Whoever fasts Ramadaan out of faith and seeking reward, his previous sins will be forgiven.’

‘Allaah says: “Every deed of the son of Adam is for him, except for fasting; it is for Me and I shall reward for it.”

“Fasting is a shield and when one of you is fasting he avoid sexual relations with his wife and quarreling. If somebody should fight or quarrel with him, he should say, ‘I am fasting.’ By the One in Whose hand is my soul, the unpleasant smell coming out from the mouth of a fasting person is better in the sight of Allah than the smell of musk. The fasting person will have two moments of joy: one when he breaks his fast, and the other when he meets his Lord; then he will be pleased because of his fasting.”

 

and many more benefits for you to discover……

Reap rewards after Ramadhan by:

“Whoever fasts Ramadhan and follows it with six days of Shawwal, it will be as if he fasted for a lifetime.”

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