๐Ÿ’”

Drifting away into numbness

Hear my cry

Heed my plea

Save me

Before it’s too late

I weep for the girl that was

Smiling and ever happy

I wish not to be stuck

Smiling in pain

Let my tears flow

Before they turn red

Hear my cry

Heed my plea

Drowning

Clutching to all straws

Fading away

Into an emotionless pit

Listen to my heart

Forget my words

I’ll say I’m fine

When I’m anything but

Hold me tight

Help me fight

My demons taking the best of me

Hear my cry

Heed my plea

I’m lost

I’m wandering

Like a ghost

Haunting nothing but myself

Nightmares merging in to my reality

Hear my cry

Heed my plea

Aid me before it’s too late

Weeping Heart

I feel my chest heavy

My eyes watery

I know you

Sadly, I knew you

A kind smile

Joyful eyes

A kind heart

A beautiful soul

Yet, I still can’t see you

I tried picturing your face

Yet it still evades me

Maybe this is my punishment

For forgetting you

I never should have stopped

Looking for you

I should have called

I should have texted more

My weeping heart bleeds

I wish I did more

Now you’ve left us

With your beautiful soul

I pray that you’re in the highest Jannah

I still will look for you

And I’ll remember you

When I open my Holy Qur’aan

When I hear a new hadeeth

When I try reading Tafseer

When I bow my head in prayer

I may not remember your face

But your memories are in my heart

I pray that your soul finds peace

I pray for patience for your family

I pray for strength

And I pray I see your face again

Maybe my weeping heart will not hurt as much

Dear Sister, I love you.

ุงู„ู„ู‡ู… ุงุบูุฑ ู„ู‡ุง ูˆุงุฑุญู…ู‡ุง ูˆุงุณูƒู†ู‡ุง ูุณูŠุญ ุฌู†ุงุชู‡

ุงู„ู„ู‡ู… ุงุบูุฑ ู„ู‡ุง ูˆุงุฑุญู…ู‡ุง ูˆุนุงูู‡ุง ูˆุงุนู ุนู†ู‡ุง ูˆูˆุณุน ู…ุฏุฎู„ู‡ุง ูˆุงูƒุฑู… ู†ุฒู„ู‡ุง ูˆูˆุณุน ู…ุฏุฎู„ู‡ุง

(O Allah, forgive her, and have mercy on her

O Allah, forgive her, and have mercy on her, and heal her, and heal her, and widen her entrance, and honor her inn, and widen her entrance)

May Allah bring peace and strength to all those who’ve lost loved ones in their lives. ๐Ÿ’š

My Super Women

For your strength in public

And your tears behind closed doors

For standing up for yourself

For loving and living

Choosing to always choose you

For prioritizing your happiness

And fighting your battles

For trying to move on

Hour by hour

Day by day

For looking for a way forward

Slowly and steadily

Waking up every day to fight

For your hustle and bustle

For your honesty and modesty

For you being you

You are brave

Facing each day with a smile

You are beautiful

In your strength and struggle

You are amazing

For balancing it all

You are worthy

Of love and every thing good

You deserve the world and much more

I pray to My Lord

To give you courage to face it all

To give you strength whenever you feel weak

To give you light whenever you face darkness

To give you warmth whenever you feel cold and alone

I see you.

I appreciate you.

I love you.

And I’m always here for you.

Listen Up, NO means NO.

I feel my heart heavy

My feet dragging on

Everywhere I look

I see pain and heartbreak

Girls been raped

Abused then accused

There was consent

They lied

After all, they enjoyed it

And then they were asked

Why didn’t you speak up sooner

Stop changing the narrative

We know what happened

Even when were not there

We know

After being told

To cover up

Wash up

Clean yourself up

Then shut up

It’s done anyway

We’ll raise you higher up

Worry not,

We’ll give you free tuition

To cover up this flawed situation

Come on, we are in a corrupt nation

Seems like we gained naught from our education

That No means No

Say yes, say Yes

Even, when you tried to say no

We’ll prove it was yes, it was yes

Before educating me for free

A price you want to buy me

For my silence, for my screams

I’ll give you a lesson for free

NO MEANS NO

I say NO to your price

I shall not be bought

I say NO to silence

I stand NOT alone

I say NO to rape culture

I only wish I was heard

When I first said NO.

Let’s learn consent

If I was tricked into it, then it’s a NO

If I was drugged, Then it’s a NO

If I said yes, then changed my mind, it’s my choice, and I choose to say NO

If I was held hostage, knife on my throat, Trust me it’s a NO

If I did NOT explicitly, without doubt, force or willingness, say Yes, then it’s a NO

I owe you nothing

No matter who you are

Not my body, Not my choice

It’s mine, My decision to make

And if it’s a NO, It’s a NO

Take a hint, and LET GO, It’s A NO

How many more times

Do I have to repeat myself

I seem to be not passing the message through

But if I will be believed

Then

See you in court

See, I kept an If

Because in this corrupt country

With most high ups deep in bigotry

I doubt that I’ll ever be heard

But for you, listening

Reading this, and understanding

Share my story

So we can stand together

To fight this creature

An ugly monster

In the form of rape culture

#metoo

Ramadhaan ; The Month of Mercy and Forgiveness

Assalamu alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakaatuhu,

 

The most awaited month in the Muslim Calendar is finally here: Ramadhaan!

My prayer for us all is that may Allah guide us to the correct path and may He shower us with mercy and blessings in this blessed month.

In the past, I was unfortunately among those who silently judged those who improved themselves in Ramadhaan, the famous saying “When Barbies become Hijabis and Playboys become Pray boys” was drilled into me by those around me that I closed my thinking and sat myself on a pedestal. It didn’t take me long to understand that my thinking was wrong, what people were doing was wrong, what I was doing was not taught to us by the Prophet.

I was being judgmental, thinking myself better because I wore my hijaab at all times, I prayed and I did this and that. I acted as if Jannah was already mine. May Allah forgive me for my past misgivings and my sins. How sure am I that Allah has even accepted my past deeds? I am even in doubt that they were sincere.

But here comes a blessing in a blessing in a blessing, the Holy month of Ramadhan; where I am given a chance at a clean slate with my Lord.

Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: When Ramadan enters, the gates of Paradise are opened, the gates of Hellfire are closed and the devils are chained. (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

Here is a chance for all of us to redeem ourselves and humble ourselves before the Lord of All mankind.

The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) climbed upon the Minbar (pulpit) and said, โ€˜Ameen, Ameen, Ameen.โ€™ It was said, โ€˜O Messenger of Allah, why did you say Ameen?โ€™ He (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said, โ€˜Jibreel came to me and said, โ€˜O Muhammad, he is doomed who hears your mention and does not say, Peace be upon you. (in the Hadeeth of Musnad Ahmad โ€“ then Allah may distance him)โ€™ He said, โ€˜Say, Ameen.โ€™ So, I said, โ€˜Ameenโ€™. Then he said, โ€˜He is doomed who sees the month of Ramadaan come and go, and he has not been forgiven. (in the Hadeeth of Musnad Ahmad โ€“ and so he enters Hell Fire, then Allah may distance him)โ€™ He said, โ€˜Say, โ€˜Ameen.โ€™ So, I said, โ€˜Ameenโ€™. Then he said, โ€˜He is doomed, who grows up and both his parents, or one of them is still alive, and they do not cause him to enter Paradise (in the Hadeeth of Musnad Ahmad โ€“ then Allah may distance him)โ€™ He said, โ€˜Say, Ameen.โ€™ So, I said, โ€˜Ameen.โ€

 

I pray that Allah gives us the strength to use this chance so that we don’t be those who are in a loss.

Abu Hurayrah reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said,

Whoever observes fasts during the month of Ramadan out of sincere faith, and hoping to attain Allahโ€™s rewards, then all his past sins will be forgiven. (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

For those among us, finding themselves in Ramadhaan, may Allah give us the strength to practice Islam everyday, even when practicing becomes like holding hot coal, may He give us the courage to hold on, even when holding on to our religion becomes strange and may He accept our fasts and our prayers.

For those who choose to sit on a pedestal, point fingers and judge: Jannah is by Allah’s Will and He alone has the right for admission to it. For all of us, Children of Nabii Adam, is, to do our best and strive hard to achieve it. Worry about your deeds, are they sincere? Worry about your salah, is it perfected? Are your intentions pure? Forget judging others and for once, if you were to be judged, do you think Jannah is guaranteed for you? Do not be haste to point fingers.

Advise in a good and wise way. Be kind in your approach, be sincere and be mindful of your words. Do not be the reason someone turned away from religion.

We should not lose hope in the mercy of Allah.

Allah says: โ€œSay: O my Servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah: for Allah forgives all sins: for He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.โ€ [Sรปrah al-Zumar: 53]

Allah forgives all sins.

Allah says: โ€œUnless he repents, believes, and works righteous deeds, for Allah will change the evil of such persons into good, and Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful,โ€ [Sรปrah al-Furqรขn: 70]

 

 

I pray that we sincerely take this chance to repent and plead with Allah to forgive us, for as long as we are alive and the sun rises in the East, the doors of Repentance are open.

 

 

 

I dedicate this piece to my brother, Abdulkareem, May Allah have mercy on your soul and raise your ranks in paradise.

 

ุงู„ู„ู‡ูู€ู…ู‘ู ุงุบู’ููู€ุฑู’ ู„ูŽู‡ู ูˆูŽุงุฑู’ุญูŽู…ู’ู€ู‡ ุŒ ูˆูŽุนุงููู‡ู ูˆูŽุงุนู’ูู ุนูŽู†ู’ู€ู‡ ุŒ ูˆูŽุฃูŽูƒู’ู€ุฑูู…ู’ ู†ูุฒูู„ูŽู€ู‡ ุŒ ูˆูŽูˆูŽุณู‘ูู€ุนู’ ู…ูุฏู’ุฎูŽู€ู„ูŽู‡ ุŒ ูˆูŽุงุบู’ุณูู„ู’ู€ู‡ู ุจูุงู„ู’ู…ู€ุงุกู ูˆูŽุงู„ุซู‘ูŽู€ู„ู’ุฌู ูˆูŽุงู„ู’ุจูŽู€ุฑูŽุฏู’ ุŒ ูˆูŽู†ูŽู‚ู‘ูู€ู‡ู ู…ูู†ูŽ ุงู„ู’ุฎุทู€ุงูŠุง ูƒูŽู…ุง ู†ูŽู€ู‚ู‘ูŠู’ุชูŽ ุงู„ู€ุซู‘ูŽูˆู’ุจู ุงู„ุฃูŽุจู’ูŠูŽู€ุถู ู…ูู†ูŽ ุงู„ุฏู‘ูŽู†ูŽู€ุณู’ ุŒ ูˆูŽุฃูŽุจู’ู€ุฏูู„ู’ู‡ู ุฏุงุฑุงู‹ ุฎูŽู€ูŠู’ุฑุงู‹ ู…ูู†ู’ ุฏุงุฑูู‡ ุŒ ูˆูŽุฃูŽู‡ู’ู„ุงู‹ ุฎูŽู€ูŠู’ุฑุงู‹ ู…ูู†ู’ ุฃูŽู‡ู’ู„ูู€ู‡ ุŒ ูˆูŽุฒูŽูˆู’ุฌูŽู€ุงู‹ ุฎูŽู€ูŠู’ุฑุงู‹ ู…ูู†ู’ ุฒูŽูˆู’ุฌูู‡ุŒ ูˆูŽุฃูŽุฏู’ุฎูู€ู„ู’ู‡ู ุงู„ู’ุฌูŽู€ู†ู‘ูŽุฉ ุŒ ูˆูŽุฃูŽุนูู€ุฐู’ู‡ู ู…ูู†ู’ ุนูŽุฐุงุจู ุงู„ู‚ูŽู€ุจู’ุฑ ูˆูŽุนูŽุฐุงุจู ุงู„ู†ู‘ู€ุงุฑ

O Allah, forgive him and have mercy on him and give him strength and pardon him. Be generous to him and cause his entrance to be wide and wash him with water and snow and hail. Cleanse him of his transgressions as white cloth is cleansed of stains. Give him an abode better than his home, and a family better than his family and a wife better than his wife. Take him into Paradise and protect him from the punishment of the grave [and from the punishment of Hell-fire].

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

See, I’m Still Alive

See growing up was hard, especially if you felt what I went through, seen what I’d been through. I ask for no pity no worry and please, don’t question me.

It’s happened, over and done with. See, let me break it down for you. I’ve dealt with depression by myself, how did you know? Well, I’ve felt the sick pleasure of hurting myself, see, I’m stupidly smart, learned how to feel pain leaving no scars.

I’ve spent sleepless nights, insomniac and living. I’ve starved myself, living on nothing but water and air. I’ve contemplated running away from home, school and life. I’ve been stuck in nightmares, lived through hell and see, I’ve made it so far, scarred, scared, broken but very much alive. I need not your pity, sympathy nor tears, and please, keep your questions to your self. I’ve lived through insults, let me tell you, those that hurt most are those from those you love the most. I’ve lived through them all, see, yet I’m still alive.

I’ve laid in bed wondering why me? Why shouldn’t I just relieve them all, it’ll be as they said, as if I never existed. They wish I never did most of the times anyway, I’m a shame, a disgrace, a scar they should hide. I never fit in among them anyways. See, let my tears flow, I don’t understand why you are crying, its my life, not yours, please keep your tears, hands and words to your self. I’m still alive you know.

You never cared, when you leave you’ll forget about me, forget about my story, forget I ever existed. Don’t deny it, I know you will. I’m not extraordinary nor am I special. Just a stupid lazy person with no interest, no focus, no life. Why should it matter if I lived or left? Be on your merry way and let me be, let me on my own, leave me to my devices. It shouldn’t matter to you. What am I to you anyways?

Broken, mentally and physically, tired and exhausted. Screwed up in my head, I know I am. My attempt to state facts may seem like a plea of help. My numbness mistaken for desperation, my fight mistaken for being obstinate. I’m neither this nor that. Just a wandering soul, not lost neither looking for solace. I’m totally fine living between life and death, existing, I think is a better term. See, all this is my own doing, no one to blame but me, so save your caring nature someone worthy of the nurture. I’m still alive you see.

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