Painfully Human Part 2

So someone asked me to clarify on  PAINFULLY HUMAN.

This is my own personal opinion in life, I do believe humans in some kind of twisted way crave pain to make us feel more alive, to let loose from the numbness that plagues us, to feel.

I am entitled to my opinion as you are to yours, I do not wish to impose mine over yours, this is simply my little haven where I speak (or type) what I feel.

So to clarify on this, I think pain, in some way, reminds us we are human, we soar to great heights, sometimes think of ourselves greater than who we are, and only when we experience pain is when we remember we are human, painfully human.

Pain reminds us of our identities as humble beings, reminds us that we are not indestructible we are not infinite, we are flawed in the greatest way possible.

In another way, we crave pain, I said this, it may be a little masochistic of us, we kind of do crave pain. We aren’t damaged or scarred, we simply are humans.

We aren’t damaged or scarred, we simply are humans.

Pain, is a reminder that we feel, it’s a reminder that we are alive, it’s a reminder that we need to be humble.

I don’t necessarily think that anyone or everyone would agree with me, but as I said, this is my opinion.

Pain, comes in so many different forms, we inflict it upon ourselves, it’s inflicted by those close to us, by strangers, emotional, physiological, psychological, it exists everywhere, sometimes we inflict it unknowingly with words or actions that can never be taken back, a reason we should always think before we speak or act.

It’s a shame that with all knowledge we are amassing we still don’t fully recognize mental health, in my opinion, should be among the most important health routines.

Dentists, ENTs, General Doctors, Cardiologists, Gyno/Obstetrician, Ophthalmologists, we dish out hundreds and thousands to go through these check-ups, why not the same for mental health? How is it related to pain? The mind is what perceives pain, in whatever form it is, that’s why I think we should recognize and treat whatever pain we have in our lives, Physiological? Get treated for it. Emotional? Talk to someone. Psychological? See someone qualified.

We suffer through so much alone when we don’t have to. We just have to reach out and trust that somebody will hear the plea of help. We need to trust that when we put our hands across someone will grasp, and hopefully not let go. But first, we need to agree that we are indeed suffering, we need to decide that we will get help, we need to prepare to let someone in, we need to trust to feel. 

I don’t know how much sense I’m making, but without our conscious effort to need to get better, we shall always wonder what if? and wandering in a black wormhole, trapped your own selves.

I know I said it in I Choose Happiness, we are our battles, we are our demons, our worst nightmares and we also are our own selves, but I’ll say it again, we are nobody else’s but ourselves. And when we decide to fight for our own selves for our happiness, we are meeting a formidable foe, for no one knows you better than yourself.

Never inflict pain upon yourself, emotional, physiological or psychological, intentionally because as Winnie The Pooh says, “You’re braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think” and loved more than you know. Winnie is always right, you know? Seriously, you are. If you managed to make it this far, it can be 14 years, 15, 16, 17, 18 19, 20, 40, 45 years, less or more, doesn’t matter you are.

Pain is twisted, but it makes us who we are, makes our story and shapes our future because we are all painfully human.

 

 

 

LOVING MYSELF

Instead of a poem today, I want to share my story, my journey to self-love, I love myself now and that’s not a secret.

LIGHT IN MY HEART

I never used to think about how I looked, I was okay as best as I could be, till four years ago.

I developed a tiny boil kind of mark on my face, being the clumsy person I am, I thought it must have been from my Kitchen accidents, I have quite a record in little accidents here and there, so I never gave it much thought. A week later, I had more than 25 boil-like things on my face, neck and back.

They hurt like burns and sure looked like burns too, I didn’t think much on the scars because one, I panicked and a couple of Google Searches later I was sure I had skin cancer,(Never again playing Doctor on Google).

A Doctor’s trip later, I was diagnosed with an allergic reaction to a Cold Medicine I was using.

It was only after leaving the Doctor’s that I realised the depth of the reaction, I had boil like burns all over my face and arms, How was I gonna go out?

My Mama let me rest for 2 days as I prepped myself into leaving the safety of my home, my own siblings were disgusted by the marks, my little brother afraid of me and moreover, I hated how I looked.

With the little Courage I had, I put on a face veil (Niqaab), and boarded the bus to school. Prepping myself I removed it upon reaching School Grounds.

Many friends failed me that time, I felt the stares, saw the pointing fingers and heard the rumours.

Apparently, I was in a gang fight and got acid thrown on me (Cases had been heard of this occurring), I was cooking and spilt oil on myself, (My clumsiness was popular), I had bleached myself and possibly earned a spot on Blotched! (Face bleaching and backfires are popular everywhere).

Most thought it best to come up with their own theories. A close friend, was the first to approach me and ask me what had happened, after the rumours spinning everywhere, I was happy to tell her.

I lost many friends and got stares as I passed by, It was weirdly fascinating for people as much as it was painful for me. I got a teacher who “felt pitiful to everybody who saw me” I was a scene from a horror movie to her, and one who “hoped I did not come out home looking like that,”. To say I was feeling down is an understatement.

I struggled with pretending those words didn’t hurt, I got many more, but from those I least expected.

Two weeks later, with the burns still up and raging, a trip to another Derma proved that I had a skin condition called Bullous Pemphigoid or a relative of it.

Due to the heavy dosages of steroids, I gained weight hard and fast, pairing the scars with extra weight.

Then crushing me were the fat comments, I couldn’t fit into my jeans, nor my dresses. I had chipmunk cheeks and gained more in a month than people gain in a year.

A ‘Counsellor’ called me out in class telling me “to go easy on the food, I was fat”

Reclusive and quiet I became from the Bubbly Cheery me that I once was.

Family picked on my weight, Aunties gave me tips on how to lose fat fast, everyone compared me to my sister, and to my previous self.

I started starving myself, I stopped eating at home and skipped meals in school. I continued having meds on an empty tummy, just making sure I had enough not to feel faint. When forced to it I would chuck it down the first washroom I came across.

Instead of losing weight, I gained more and more.

I realised one day, that words will never affect me so long as I do not let them.

Slowly by slowly, I accepted myself, and my scars and my body.

I was scarred and broken, but I was also me.

610413370-scars-are-tattoos-with-better-stories-quote-1

I fell in love with myself as long as I knew, I would never let words hurt me and define me.

I let out most negativity in my life, stopped responding to fat jokes and cut out those dragging me down.

With the help of My Lord, I learned to love me, myself and I.

Dhubba (Large Beast) became a nick name and less of an insult.

I grew the courage to stop wearing heavy make up as a cover up when I left home.

Don’t just love my smile, love me, my scars, my flaws.

Contrary to what people say, I believe my scars and my past define me, without them I don’t have a story to tell, I lose myself and who I am.

They remind me of what I have passed through and what I have gone through, I am stronger than what I struggled with, I fought and I won, scarred but I won.

They shaped me to who I am today, all the little imperfections that make me imperfectly perfect.

To all those quick to judge someone on their appearances, Bless your little hearts if you think your judgements reflect another’s story, your thinking defines you, you as a person and as a human, next time don’t voice your opinions when they are totally unasked for, Kindly do keep the negativity to yourself, you do not know me, nor do you know my story.

Yes, I currently am a fat happy person, with scars on me, but I am who I am and I love me.

Next time I want extra potatoes, I will have extra potatoes with extra cheese.

I myself define me.

I choose to either live in negativity or positive vibes.

I choose my own path

I alone am responsible for my happiness.

I will not, never again, give somebody the power to bring me down.

For I love myself and I took a pledge.

I TAKE MY PLEDGE

03b81b18f2f4c2b22c88ea79e3e096be

DEATH OF HUMANITY

 

 

When an ear aches

An ENT is consulted

When the eye pains

An optometrist is booked

When the heart suffers

A Cardio Doctor consulted

What of a searing pain

In our Humanity?

_86875470_yemen_sanaa_rubble_g

What of intense suffering

In our Harmony

Torture and agony?

Why don’t our eyes tear?

Why don’t our hearts bleed?

Why can’t we raise our voices?

Rise against injustice?

Stand up against violence?

Why don’t we feel anymore?

Why oh why?

_88766074_88766073

Where is our humanity?

Or are we waiting in line?

Till agony reaches our doors?

Are we waiting for it to be

Our children being slaughtered?

Our girls being raped?

Our houses being bombed?

Our country being bombed?

gettyimages-598049266

Our hospitals being destroyed?

Our babies dying before seeing the world?

Why oh why?

If Syria, Palestine, Burma

Iraq,  Afghanistan, Libya

Somalia, Nigeria, Yemen

Does not move you

Or tug at your heart

If you think the damage and deaths

Are nothing but Collateral damage

You need a HUMANITY CHECK!

a4838bdf35ad30487fbfb56fc9b73f97

No one deserves death,  rape, destruction, pain or suffering. To the person out there saying the civilians deserve to die for the “better good and for the long-term future”,

Who will be left in the “FUTURE” if all civilians are dying now.

What country will be left to rule?

What people to become citizens.

Kindly, GET A HUMANITY CHECK!

 

 

 

157510803pg6_822web

 

A WordPress.com Website.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: