So this is going to be a long rant, bear with me, please.
A lot of things happening around me had me thinking, till when do we need reminders that our happiness is just ours to define?
We let others take control of our lives and our happiness not realising we slowly are losing ourselves, we lock down our happiness and let the key fade away. We let others tear us apart and knock us down till we are too tired to get back up, our hearts are tired and so are our minds.
Life is a funny thing to me, so is happiness, sometimes I do agree with Aristotle that happiness in life is only defined after we have lived it, but sometimes I keep thinking of happiness in those passing fleeting moments, when are we truly happy?
So here I am, at 1.30 a.m. sleepless and thinking, am I happy?
Judging with my day, I have an amazing family, parents whom I love and absolutely adore, siblings who I love too and amazing people surrounding me.
I had given up my phone 3 weeks back, my reason? I was tired of it, completely tired and exhausted by people, living without a phone for 3 weeks, I thought it would have been unbearable, but frankly, I don’t miss it, though I should go back to it, I do need it anyways. I don’t absolutely want it but I do need it.
I wonder what made me come to the decision of keeping it far, I often think it’s because for so long I cared a lot about what others had to say about me, what comments I’d have in my social media accounts, how many new followers and what messages I had gotten, even though I may deny it all I want, I think part of me still does care. I did hand over my happiness to a lot of people, and now I want it all back.
I do feel liberated without it, it’s weird, but a good weird, to me at least.
So to answer my question, I am happy, I feel happy, I smile and I laugh.
Sometimes it does feel like I’m trapped in my own mind, no matter how hard you try to escape, it’s like drowning, the more you struggle the more you drown deeper, or like a chord round your chest tightening till every last breath deserts you. It’s a feeling of being chased and a fear of the unknown, I may not know of tomorrow but right now I’m happy, as happy as I could be right now.
Sometimes life doesn’t go as planned, and no matter how hard you try to rise up after a fall, you just seem to be falling more, the same feeling of being trapped, crippling anxiety and lost breathes, however, if we never take charge of it, we are going to lose more than just happiness, we lose ourselves, and in that bit we kind of lose some of our humanity too.
We need constant reminders that these are our lives to live, each person is their own, we are our battles, we are our demons, our worst nightmares and we also are our own selves. We belong to nobody but ourselves, and so does our happiness.
I’m probably sleep deprived and this all sounds like a cheesy truck of words, but right now I feel kind of relieved putting it down, because, in the end, so many unspoken words just needed an audience.
Break free from yourself and be happy.
Because I choose to be happy.
So yes, happiness in all definitions, whether it was a happy life or a happy moment, belongs to nobody but yourself, so take charge of it, search for it, seek it in your everyday life, find it in all moments and once you do, never let it go.