I write as I breathe

I write as I breathe

Inhale the words

Exhale the art

I write as I breathe

Of the day I had with a smile

Of the night I spent in tears

I write as I breathe

Of the love I left broken-hearted

Of the soul I set fire to.

I write as I breathe

Of the journey I take

Of the stops I make along the way

I write as I breathe

Of the pitter patter of the rain

Of the ring ring of a bell

I write as I breathe

Of the coffee scent, warm and rich

Of the ground smell, wet and home

I write as I breathe

Of the warms hugs and beautiful words

Of the  cold hearts and sharp tongues

I write as I breathe

Of the yin

Of the yang

I write as I breathe

For as long as I shall live

For the souls, searching, just like me

I will write as I breathe.

Forgiving Humanity

She’s asked

Why are your thoughts sad

Why do your dreams sound broken

Why does your heart seem crushed

Do you not believe

In humanity anymore

What about its redemption

Can we earn not forgiveness

From our never-ending repentance

Our regrets. Our confessions.

What should we do?

To right our wrongs

To earn our vindication

Can we not earn back your trust?

Pretty little girl,

Forgive humanity

For turning a blind eye

We’ll turn over new leaves

Never again, will we concede

To evil, and what it yields

Excuse our misgivings

Pardon our shortcomings

Forgive us,

So we may learn to forgive ourselves

There still is hope

For not all of us cower in fear

We’ll stand up

Behind you, Right next to you

We’ll be brave

We’ll fight the silence

We’ll preach to the masses

Behind #metoo

We all shall be right there, with you.

 

 

Listen Up, NO means NO.

I feel my heart heavy

My feet dragging on

Everywhere I look

I see pain and heartbreak

Girls been raped

Abused then accused

There was consent

They lied

After all, they enjoyed it

And then they were asked

Why didn’t you speak up sooner

Stop changing the narrative

We know what happened

Even when were not there

We know

After being told

To cover up

Wash up

Clean yourself up

Then shut up

It’s done anyway

We’ll raise you higher up

Worry not,

We’ll give you free tuition

To cover up this flawed situation

Come on, we are in a corrupt nation

Seems like we gained naught from our education

That No means No

Say yes, say Yes

Even, when you tried to say no

We’ll prove it was yes, it was yes

Before educating me for free

A price you want to buy me

For my silence, for my screams

I’ll give you a lesson for free

NO MEANS NO

I say NO to your price

I shall not be bought

I say NO to silence

I stand NOT alone

I say NO to rape culture

I only wish I was heard

When I first said NO.

Let’s learn consent

If I was tricked into it, then it’s a NO

If I was drugged, Then it’s a NO

If I said yes, then changed my mind, it’s my choice, and I choose to say NO

If I was held hostage, knife on my throat, Trust me it’s a NO

If I did NOT explicitly, without doubt, force or willingness, say Yes, then it’s a NO

I owe you nothing

No matter who you are

Not my body, Not my choice

It’s mine, My decision to make

And if it’s a NO, It’s a NO

Take a hint, and LET GO, It’s A NO

How many more times

Do I have to repeat myself

I seem to be not passing the message through

But if I will be believed

Then

See you in court

See, I kept an If

Because in this corrupt country

With most high ups deep in bigotry

I doubt that I’ll ever be heard

But for you, listening

Reading this, and understanding

Share my story

So we can stand together

To fight this creature

An ugly monster

In the form of rape culture

#metoo

NEW BEGINNINGS

What better way to end the Mental health awareness month, than a promise and a pledge to myself.

A promise I intend to honor and a pledge I vow to keep.

I was asked my opinion on self harm once, why do people do it? Why do people get addicted and does it ever stop? Self harm, is an addiction, because pain is addictive. Why do people do it? In my opinion, it’s the pain you can control and one you can see. It’s a method to cope, a very terrible one. Is it addictive? Yes, it is. Very much so. It usually starts as an impulse, a small jolt to keep one in check, for some, to remind them that they still feel, that they still are alive, an impulsive decision at a moment of weakness. Slowly, one depends on it, as a distraction from any emotional pain, physical pain heals faster, but emotional ones fester and poison, if not treated. Then it becomes an addiction, an obsession, a false sense of control.

It sickens me to the depth of my heart to see Media romanticizing it, making it feel cool or Writers making it feel almost as normal as breathing. It is not. Believe me, self harm brings in guilt and shame, and having to keep it a secret is worse. The relief is short-lived, before you have to deal with whatever is troubling you. Instead of solving any problem, you just let it be bottled up inside, hiding it in the closet and sweeping every problem under the rug. It only takes sometime before it bursts, opens and blows up in your face.

For someone affected, they do not wish for that upon anybody. The guilt of asking your loved one to stop an addiction, you know the harm of it all to well. The hopelessness when something goes wrong, and it’s not in your hands anymore. The despair, when you see someone you love go down the path, you struggle to leave. It’s not worth it.

It’s not the way to do it, get help and confide in someone, it gets better. Life does get better. Asking for help is  hard, I know, trust me. Leaning on someone, letting one take care of you for once, or letting someone in. It’s opening the doors to you chamber of secrets, everything dark and ugly, sometimes and expecting them to love you the same and see you the same. Trust, giving someone the power to hurt you but believing in them to not to.

Talk to someone you trust, let them in and believe in yourself.

 

Even in the dark

When there seems to be no light

And the weight of the world 

Burdens your shoulders

And a little voice 

Says you can never do it

Exclaim with power and conviction

“I can and I will

For with every sunset, ends a bad day

But every sunrise, begins a new day”

You can and you will

Life does get better

Trust and believe in yourself

Just like I do in you

I may not know you

But I understand the struggle you go through

I may not know your full battle, 

Or see all your wounds

But in the end

I am human like you too

Tell me so I can help

Speak out and I shall listen

Beyond what the eye sees

Is a soul I am in love with

For all the scars and struggles

A beautiful soul

That I can’t help but be in awe of

Life does get better.

This promise to myself, is that I shall try my very best to not succumb to the little whisper.

I am stronger than that, braver than that and wiser.

I promise not to judge by the scars on somebody’s arms, not by the burns on your feet, not by the wounds on your fists, or the bandage on your head. Not by anything at all, I promise I will try to listen, to look at you and love you, maybe even love you more.

Often, we ignore others’ cries for help because we are too blinded by our own struggles. We often lose so many to fend on their own, we let too many people down, we failed so many people, but now is a good place to start. Right here and right now, pledge to be a source of comfort and solace, to lend an ear and to see beyond the walls and masks, to see for who they really are and still love the same.

And for those still struggling, life gets better.

 

My Wonder Lady

As a mother, she has paradise underneath her feet

As a daughter, she gives honour and paradise to her parents

As a woman, her stature has been raised by the One above

She’s a wonder lady

Like an octopus, she balances eight things at a time

She’s courageous, taking on the world

Her armour is her modesty

Her weapon is her honour

She faces every day with bravery

Her heart is pure

Her soul is gold

Take her through fire

I’ll promise you, she comes out a diamond

She’s my inspiration

She’s my beautiful being.

Muslimah, raise your head

You need no validation from any being

For your status has always been high.

Her rights, have always been clear

Respect her

Educate her

Honour her

Cherish her

Love her

Then watch her flourish.

Broken and Beautiful

You are a wonder

An amazing being

Even beautiful

Doesn’t cover what I see in you

You are strong

You are brave

And may the fire in you

Blaze for eternity

When you were seven

You dealt with so much more

Than many have ever seen

Sexually abused

In the place you felt safest

When you were ten

You wanted to run away from it all

For home was just hell to you

Nobody understood

The fear you held

You couldn’t even meet

Your father’s eyes

Your mother never understood

At thirteen

You wanted to end it all

You couldn’t hold it in anymore

The fear you feel

The nightmares that never end

You started then

Harming your beautiful self

You got broken

Once too many times

The voices in your head

Only got louder with time

Words hurt deeper than wounds

Beautiful Being, you are not alone

You are beautiful, for each crack in your soul

You are beautiful, for each mark on your body

You are beautiful, for all your flaws and more

Beautiful Being,

I am in awe of you.

At twenty

Here you are

Spreading your wings

Attempting to fly

Still in pain, but healing inside

For every single day, I thank God you are alive

I see you chasing your dreams

And I know you’ll be fine

You light up a candle

So bright in my heart

For every trial you’ve been through

I am in awe of that smile

Beautiful being

Your story has just began

Let yourself live

To see better things

Let yourself enjoy

Every morning’s sunrise

Enjoy

The smell of rain

The scent of fresh coffee

The fragrance of a blooming flower

You are yet to travel each country

You are yet to meet your perfect match

You are yet to love once more

With every day comes a new beginning

And I’ll be here

All through the way

Beautiful being

You inspire me every day.

May your story be a legacy

So that they may know

Of this Beautiful being

That was broken down

But rose up again

That was teared down

And stitched her self up

Who was pushed down

And picked herself up

Who thought of ending her life

But lives to see each sunset through

Because of her, I have hope I’ll make it too

Who says proudly

I’M STILL ALIVE

BROKEN AND TORN APART

BUT STILL BREATHING AND ALIVE

Each sunset shows the end of one day

But I promise the sun shall rise again.

Till the end arrives.

Beautiful being.

I love you.

To My Mother

To the one who conceived me

Carried me

Then had me

The one I troubled the most

Nurtured me and held me

Loved me and nourished me

In whose arms lies my comfort

To the one I love unconditionally

Who taught me right from wrong

Showed me the way

Held my hand as I walked

Encouraged me as I talked

Believed in me

When I lost that in myself

Supported me

Helped me up as I fell

To the one I’ll always go back to

This is my prayer for you

May Allah bless you

For each time you hold me

May Allah forgive you

For every tear you shed for me

May Allah keep you safe

For all the times you worry about me

May Allah make you among the women of paradise

May Allah raise your status in this life and the hereafter

Ya Rabb.

This woman I love

Protect her

Love her

Bless her

Look after her.

The one I call Mama

Ya Rabb

Give me the ability

To make her smile when she’s sad

To make her proud, here and forever

To make her happy, wherever she is.

Ya Rabb,

For the one I call mother

Is the one in my heart.

To Poetry

To the poets

Who choose to say

What they feel

When the sun goes down

And they are left alone

To battle their fears

To face their demons

And choose to share

To lend a hand

To those still stuck in battle.

Thank you.

To Poetry.

For giving me a chance

To say what I want

How I want

For allowing me

To express

In order to inspire

Before I expire

Thank you.

To those who read

Understand

See the effort in each word

Feel the emotions between each line

For trying to understand

A poet’s mind

And people of their kind

Thank you.

To you

Reading this

To support a friend

To understand her plight

Maybe help in her fight

As she battles her mind

Thank you.

See, I’m Still Alive

See growing up was hard, especially if you felt what I went through, seen what I’d been through. I ask for no pity no worry and please, don’t question me.

It’s happened, over and done with. See, let me break it down for you. I’ve dealt with depression by myself, how did you know? Well, I’ve felt the sick pleasure of hurting myself, see, I’m stupidly smart, learned how to feel pain leaving no scars.

I’ve spent sleepless nights, insomniac and living. I’ve starved myself, living on nothing but water and air. I’ve contemplated running away from home, school and life. I’ve been stuck in nightmares, lived through hell and see, I’ve made it so far, scarred, scared, broken but very much alive. I need not your pity, sympathy nor tears, and please, keep your questions to your self. I’ve lived through insults, let me tell you, those that hurt most are those from those you love the most. I’ve lived through them all, see, yet I’m still alive.

I’ve laid in bed wondering why me? Why shouldn’t I just relieve them all, it’ll be as they said, as if I never existed. They wish I never did most of the times anyway, I’m a shame, a disgrace, a scar they should hide. I never fit in among them anyways. See, let my tears flow, I don’t understand why you are crying, its my life, not yours, please keep your tears, hands and words to your self. I’m still alive you know.

You never cared, when you leave you’ll forget about me, forget about my story, forget I ever existed. Don’t deny it, I know you will. I’m not extraordinary nor am I special. Just a stupid lazy person with no interest, no focus, no life. Why should it matter if I lived or left? Be on your merry way and let me be, let me on my own, leave me to my devices. It shouldn’t matter to you. What am I to you anyways?

Broken, mentally and physically, tired and exhausted. Screwed up in my head, I know I am. My attempt to state facts may seem like a plea of help. My numbness mistaken for desperation, my fight mistaken for being obstinate. I’m neither this nor that. Just a wandering soul, not lost neither looking for solace. I’m totally fine living between life and death, existing, I think is a better term. See, all this is my own doing, no one to blame but me, so save your caring nature someone worthy of the nurture. I’m still alive you see.

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