cursed

Cursed one

‘Ulolaaniwa’

He never wanted me

Never will

A father is her daughter’s King

Mine is my nightmare

A father is to hold you

Mine is to hit me

A father is to love you

Mine loathes me

A father is to protect you

I need protection from him

A father is the light in his daughter’s eyes

Mine snatched all the light away

A girl is blessed to have her father alive

Mine is cursed to have me alive

I was taught

From when I could understand

Stay out of his way

He’ll kick me if I don’t

Stay out of his sight

What new curse could he come up with today?

Let him not hear you

You don’t want to be hit

I wonder why

He could never love me

I’ve tried my best

1st in all my classes

Until he made me drop out

Wasting his money

Only to be married

An excellent cook

Until he burnt me ‘accidentally’

A voice like a bird

Until he had me caged

Silent

Silent tears

As I cradled my broken arm

No hospitals

So it never healed right

A painful reminder

Each and every day

That I am cursed

Cursed to be born

Cursed to be his daughter

Cursed to be a girl

Simply cursed for who I am.

blind

Love blinds

So people say

Well, it never did me

I just chose to ignore

Ignored when he raised his voice

Ignored when he broke the TV

Ignored when he threw words around

Ignored, but felt it each time

Then he first raised his hand

I ignored

He left

I cried myself to sleep

I chose to be blind

I held it in

Chose to ignore

For my little 2 year old boy

I chose to be blind

Until I couldn’t anymore

Then I tried leaving

But I couldn’t

Mama said

What would people say?

Baba said

Think of your son

Auntie said

I probably deserved it

Society said

A woman should persevere

And everyone saw

The bruised arms

The black eyes

But everyone chose to ignore

They all become blind

He is my husband

I love him

I should persevere

Maybe, I did deserve it

I’ll hold my tongue

Never ask where he is

Never argue

Never raise my voice again

Blind to his faults

Then came my little girl

One look at her

And I knew

I wouldn’t let her live like I do

I’ll show her what love is supposed to be

Not a broken heart

A twisted arm

Or a bruised eye

Her Mama will make her proud

And I left

For my walking son

He shouldn’t be like

The monster he calls father

Love is not this.

I choose not to be blind anymore

Society be damned

I am no more blind

This time I choose to be deaf

Let them talk

hurt

First time she did it

We both were shocked

I was hurt

Bleeding

And not just from the cut

The one she placed

Right above my eye

8 stitches

But the pain

Was not as much as

The one in my heart

I was hurt

She said sorry

She was angry

It’ll never happen again

She held me as we both cried

And I believed her

And it happened again

A screaming match

Followed by a thrown vase

Then a cut again

This time my arm

And again

A blow to my head

She took me to the ER

Laughed off with the nurse

Men and their competitive nature

Got beaten up trashtalking

Said his team was better

I couldn’t say a word

Disoriented

Confused

Hurt

And again

And again

Every time she’s angry

Every time she’s upset

Elaborate lies

Made up stories

Who do I tell

Who do I confide in

That the one I love

Hurts me the most

UNTIL WHAT END

When faced with a trial

Where does strength start

Where does weakness end

When does it stop hurting

When is it being brave

Choosing not to give up

When is it being a fool

Holding on desperately

Until what end?

 

When is it a trial for strength

When is it a sign to move on

When do you tighten the hold

When do you cut loose the rope

When do you dust up and rise again

When do you choose to stay down

When is enough is enough

Until what end?

 

My Super Women

For your strength in public

And your tears behind closed doors

For standing up for yourself

For loving and living

Choosing to always choose you

For prioritizing your happiness

And fighting your battles

For trying to move on

Hour by hour

Day by day

For looking for a way forward

Slowly and steadily

Waking up every day to fight

For your hustle and bustle

For your honesty and modesty

For you being you

You are brave

Facing each day with a smile

You are beautiful

In your strength and struggle

You are amazing

For balancing it all

You are worthy

Of love and every thing good

You deserve the world and much more

I pray to My Lord

To give you courage to face it all

To give you strength whenever you feel weak

To give you light whenever you face darkness

To give you warmth whenever you feel cold and alone

I see you.

I appreciate you.

I love you.

And I’m always here for you.

JUST GOOD ENOUGH

Not the prettiest face out there,

Not the kindest soul

Not the innocent one in a bunch

Not the funniest in the lot

Not the ONE

Still deserving

Deserving of respect

Good enough for love

Just good enough

 

I believe

In my heart

In shades of gold and white

I believe in my soul

Colorful and light

Little bit old, Still bright

I believe in my smile

Mismatched teeth and dusty lips

I believe that my eyes

Brown and warm

All are good enough

Just enough

 

I write as I breathe

I write as I breathe

Inhale the words

Exhale the art

I write as I breathe

Of the day I had with a smile

Of the night I spent in tears

I write as I breathe

Of the love I left broken-hearted

Of the soul I set fire to.

I write as I breathe

Of the journey I take

Of the stops I make along the way

I write as I breathe

Of the pitter patter of the rain

Of the ring ring of a bell

I write as I breathe

Of the coffee scent, warm and rich

Of the ground smell, wet and home

I write as I breathe

Of the warms hugs and beautiful words

Of theĀ  cold hearts and sharp tongues

I write as I breathe

Of the yin

Of the yang

I write as I breathe

For as long as I shall live

For the souls, searching, just like me

I will write as I breathe.

What Love Is NOT

Love is NOT to me

Two souls becoming one

Two strangers walking on the same path

Or two people sharing one last name

Love is NOT, to me

All consuming

All overwhelming

Like a forest fire

Leaving ashes and destruction behind

Love to me, is NOT

A storm that lights up the skies

Creating beautiful distractions

Leaving rubble in its wake

Love to me is NOT,

Centering life around his core

Existing because he is

Breathing because she is

Living, because we are in love

Love to me is NOT,

Empty words

Broken promises

Drowning in tears

Left alone in shatters

Love to me is NOT,

Seeing perfection in your being

Seeing dreams in my dreams

Living recklessly while beaming

Love to me is NOT,

Chasing away my demons,

Forgetting my problems when I’m with you

Or getting addicted to your presence.

Love to me, is NOT

Using words

It’s not in a thousand poems

Or a thousand songs

Love to me, is NOT

this and more.

So ask me what Love means to me?

It’s two friends

Accepting

That they are two individuals

Living and loving each other

As they move separately in their own paths

Love to me,

Is loving one’s self first

Before learning to love another

For no one is more important,

Than one’s self first

Love to me,

Is loving the twinkle in her eyes

The mischievousness behind his smile

The 3 am senseless conversation

The simple act,

Of him showing his love

Don’t just tell him, you love him

Let him see it

Love to me is,

Accepting

Loving entirely

Flaws and all

It’s seeing them at their worst

And staying, and accepting

It’s the imperfections

The shortcomings

Love to me is staying

In the arguments

In the struggles

In the high of the swing

And the low of the trip

It’s being there

Warm hands and all

With a place in the heart

Love to me,

Is never-ending support

Is correcting me when I’m wrong

Is leading me home, when I go astray

Is lighting up the path, when darkness is all around.

Love to me,

Is helping me face my nightmares

Is being supportive, as I tackle my problems

Is believing I can do it on my own,

I’ll just need you there, to cheer me on.

Love to me is,

Not needing words

For you can feel it in your bones

From deep in your heart, to the edge of your soul.

I love with a passion

Never shall I let it consume me whole

I love with conviction,

Never once shall I doubt you

I love healthily

My happiness belongs to me

I love with trust

That forever will we last

I love with sincerity

In me is my loyalty

I will love you separately

For once, I will love me firstly.

Trust me when I say,

Love to me is everything and more.

Be my beacon in darkness

I’ll be the light of your eyes

Be my support when I’m tired

I’ll be your shoulder to lean on

Be my warmth when it’s cold

I’ll be the coolness when it’s hot

Look for me in the night sky

For during the day, You are the sun of my eye.

 

 

 

In this society, we all have our versions of what love is. To me, it’s sweet and beautiful, sometimes hard, but it’s about compromise, not full sacrifices. We don’t need to lose ourselves in ‘goals’ and those we love to be in love. Love builds, it doesn’t destroy, it heals, not harms. Love is finding yourself and loving yourself first, then loving another.

I pray you all find the purest love there ever is.

 

 

 

 

Forgiving Humanity

She’s asked

Why are your thoughts sad

Why do your dreams sound broken

Why does your heart seem crushed

Do you not believe

In humanity anymore

What about its redemption

Can we earn not forgiveness

From our never-ending repentance

Our regrets. Our confessions.

What should we do?

To right our wrongs

To earn our vindication

Can we not earn back your trust?

Pretty little girl,

Forgive humanity

For turning a blind eye

We’ll turn over new leaves

Never again, will we concede

To evil, and what it yields

Excuse our misgivings

Pardon our shortcomings

Forgive us,

So we may learn to forgive ourselves

There still is hope

For not all of us cower in fear

We’ll stand up

Behind you, Right next to you

We’ll be brave

We’ll fight the silence

We’ll preach to the masses

Behind #metoo

We all shall be right there, with you.

 

 

A WordPress.com Website.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: